Promote Oklahoma Adoption

Conference 8046

2011-10-21T13:27:00.002-05:00

On Thursday, October 27th, 2011 at Battle Creek Church in Broken Arrow, OK a collaboration of churches and the Office of Faith Based Initiatives will host Conference 8046. A movement to get churches involved in supporting local orphans. In January 2011, 8046 were in states custody. For information about the Conference click HERE . Also please take time to hear from the mouth of an Oklahoma orphan...and her finding her forever family by clicking HERE. There are too many children in Oklahoma Shelters and Foster Homes. Going does not mean you have to adopt or foster, but you should participate in SOME way in the life of a child. So far only 170 have registered to attend in the Tulsa County area. Everyone is welcome. It is entirely free all you have to do is register (Click HERE to do so).

DHS Waiting Child...

2011-01-25T20:47:00.002-06:00

Today I found the new website for Oklahoma's Waiting Child. I have been sitting here for about an hour staring at Elmer, tears streaming down my face. He is the waiting child of the month. He is beautiful. I am wondering when he will find his family. HERE is a link to the website. Take a look at Elmer....I can't stop looking at him! I also found a neat "thing" we have here in Oklahoma. It is called the Waiting Child Heart Gallery. HERE is the link to the Tour Schedule so that when the Waiting Child Heart Gallery is near you - you can go visit!

Education on the Adoption Tax Credit

2010-12-10T15:07:00.002-06:00

Hey guys! Your accountant doesn't know what to do on your behalf if you don't tell them. Read this quick article to educate yourself on the Adoption Tax Credit. It takes about twenty to thirty minutes to read, and it could make you some quick cash! I had a client who thought she could claim '0' on her tax returns. Now she is claiming the entire $13,000 + because of what she learned in this short article! So please, for your sake - and for the sake of your pocket book! READ THIS

Adoption and Foster Care Symposium

2010-11-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

You are invited to an Adoption and Foster care Symposium
Saturday November 6 from 10 30 am until 3 30 pm
Hosted by Hope Ministries at
Crosspointe Church
2601 24th Ave SE (just off Hwy 9)
Norman, OK

The symposium will feature speakers from International, Domestic and DHS adoptions as well as Foster Care information. Lunch and childcare is provided for those attending. A donation of a new article of childrens clothing is suggested, but not required, and will be used to provide for children in emergency foster care situations. This symposium is a one-stop-shopping spot for those families considering either fostering or adopting, with experts in a variety of adoption related fields answering questions in breakout sessions and an Information Fair.

Please RSVP to either hopeadoptions@gmail.com or our facebook event page (use the email address to find us on Facebook). We need to know who needs childcare and need a headcount for lunch! If you have any other questions, please contact La Deana Roberts @ 630-7600

Adoption Option Number 2

2010-11-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, so the second option for adoption in Oklahoma is by using an adoption agency. I feel like I could seriously write a book about this, so I will try and touch on the important things!

The agency works as an advocate for both the adoptive family and birth parent wanting to choose placement for their child. The agency counsels both the birth parents and adoptive parents before the actual adoption takes place. Most agencies have some sort of training and also an application process.

The cost for using an agency in Oklahoma can be anywhere from $3,500-$25,000. Usually this amount is paid over the course of the adoption with a large amount paid after placement. They are so smart waiting until you have your sweet something in your arms to then ask for the big bucks! And can I tell you, IT'S SO WORTH IT! I have never been more excited to write such a big check...but you've got your bundle of love in your arms and you've experienced one of God's most amazing miracles of adoption! Well talk more about cost later...

The hardest part to starting this process is to choose your agency. A good place to start is the website for the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition linked on the right of our blog. They have a list of placing agencies. I would encourage you to ask around and talk to friends who have adopted that could give you advice. When you are looking online, you can generally tell if the agency has the same agenda as you. Are they a Christian agency or do they share the same beliefs? What do they offer birth parents as far as counseling and support? Is the counseling free? If so, for how long? I got frustrated because one agency said they do offer counseling but it was half price for the birth parent. Another agency said they offer free counseling, but when I asked for how long it was only until 2 months after placement. What? This is something that birth mothers will deal with off and on for years...2 months is an insult (but I guess it's better than half price?)! Make sure that your agency has a good handle on respect of birth parents and that there is no coercing going on to place the child. The agency should never bring up adoption unless the parent is seeking placement or information on placement.

When you are researching agencies think about your new child and family. What are you going to need as far as support in 5-10 years. Does this agency provide any kind of post-adoption care for the family and child? Do they have get togethers, seminars, support groups, classes, camps?

It's so easy when starting this process to focus on placement and feeling the need for it to happen as quickly, care free and cheap as possible... Remember there is a reason that adoption costs money, the agency does a lot of terribly hard work and they need to be paid just like any other hard working individual. The cost in adoption falls on those that can pay and that have resources...the adoptive family. So if you need to think about it this way, keep your focus that you are helping your child's birth parent survive this. This is the most painful thing that a person will go through in their life, choosing placement for their child. It takes a lot of support to survive it.

There can be grants available for funding if that is a problem. Some agencies have those grants available for "hard to place" babies (African American, exposures to drugs, alcohol, etc). Some agencies allow for donations to be made for a specific adopting couple that are tax deductible. Check with your church. Several churches are starting adoption ministries that will help grant money to pay for adoptions. Most any couple you talk to about how they afford adoption will tell you that God made it happen. There are miracles left and right about how God works it out! Take a leap of faith!

Generally speaking, domestic adoption in Oklahoma can be rather quick. Wait time from "ready" to placement can be two weeks to two years. This usually depends on what specifics you have placed on the child you are open to (race, exposures, open/closed adoption, etc.). Most agencies allow for the birth parent to pick the adoptive family. There usually is no "match" like in international adoption.

Most agencies encourage some degree of open adoption. This could be anything from pictures and updates twice a year to visits, phone calls, emails on a monthly basis. Most of the time agencies still encourage some confidentiality, so there aren't visits at homes or baby sitting and such. People always ask me that, so that is why I addressed what "open" can mean! Having an open adoption is not legally binding. The adoption is still complete/final, but there is a written agreement of contact between the birth parent and adoptive parent. Most of the time this agreement fluctuates as the relationship grows and changes. The adoptive parent and the birth parent can choose what they want their adoption to look like as far as openness. I will have to devote a whole post to open adoption...I could go on and on here!

After a child is placed in your home, the birth parent sets a court date to relinquish rights. After this is complete the child is really in legal custody of the agency and the family is more like foster care. For the next 6 months you have home studies, interviews and check ups to make sure the child is safe and thriving in the new family. Once this period has lapsed the agency releases you to legally adopt the child. Now you take your attorney and get a court date set for finalization! The only hard waiting time is from leaving the hospital with your baby to the court date for the birth parents rights. Once this has been completed, you can rest easy praying that you can pass the interviews! Ha!

Hope this has been helpful. Please post any questions or comments so that we can address anything that I have missed!

Adoption Option, Number 1

2010-10-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

In the next few days, or weeks, we are going to give you the Adoption Options as they stand in Oklahoma. So today, the first option available to families, is through the Department of Human Services. To make it simple and to the point. There are mainly two ways in which you may adopt children through DHS.

The first way to adopt a child through the Department of Human Services (hereinafter DHS) is to foster children. Click HERE to find out how to become a foster parent. The good side of this is that you do not have to pay to become a foster parent, in fact, you are paid to foster children in the State of Oklahoma. In addition, the children will have their own health insurance, DHS will pay for daycare if it is needed, and you will receive a monthly stipend. The downside to this, you have DHS in your home, you are restricted in your parenting methods (such as discipline) and you MUST take a training course, which is about seven weeks. But again, I must point out....it is biblical, and it is FREE. In addition, if the child placed in your home becomes eligible for adoption, the legal services finalizing the adoption are paid for by OKDHS. Therefore, this is really the only FREE method of adoption in Oklahoma.

The second way is to apply to adopt a "waiting child". These children are typically older children, mixed races, sibling groups or special needs. But wonderful, beautiful, loving little creations that need a home and a forever family. Click HERE on how to adopt through DHS. The only expense to the family is the medical exam that each family member must have prior to finalization. Click HERE to see some of the precious children right here in Oklahoma, waiting on a family.

So that is lesson number one on adoption options....please ask questions and check back for updates and answers to those questions.

***It was brought to my attention that you may have to pay for a physical which costs approximately $50. You will incur this cost!

Oklahoma Statistics.....

2010-10-08T21:06:00.003-05:00

In Oklahoma, we are never forced to face the facts. Here are some hard facts that came from a recent audit done of the Oklahoma Department of Human Services (OKDHS). Although DHS does the best that it can with the resources available. Following are some recent (2007) statistics. Here are the top ten:

10. Only sixty (60) percent of children removed from their homes by the State are ever reunified with their parents.

9. In 2007 alone, 573 children aged out of the foster care system....and were never adopted.

8. Only 40% of children adopted from DHS are adopted from their foster care parents.

7. In 2007, 506 children who were waiting adoption had been in the system for MORE than five years.

6. The average age of a child adopted through DHS is 6.5 years old.

5. Eleven (11) percent of children are placed in permanent guardianship's, eight (8) percent age out of the system, Nineteen (19) percent of children are adopted and sixty (60) percent are reunified. The other two (2) percent of children either run away or die in foster care.

4. Forty-six (46) percent of children in foster care are adopted by their family.

3. Sadly, in Oklahoma, 20% of waiting children are African American while only 11% are being adopted, 15% of children are Hispanic while only 12% are being adopted, 22% are multiracial and only 16% are being adopted, 8% are native american and 11% are being adopted, and 35% of children are Caucasian and a staggering 49% are being adopted. Clearly Caucasian children are being preferred.

2. Once a child reaches the age of 9, the likelihood of being adopted drops significantly.

1. 4,628 foster children in Oklahoma are waiting to be adopted.

There is something that you can do. Call 1-866-512-2565.

Reminder for Foster Care Support Groups - Tulsa County

2010-10-05T22:00:00.000-05:00

I recently met with a neat lady who leads a Foster Care Support Group in the Tulsa County Area. Although, anyone is invited to attend these meetings. Maryleta Ayers is the President of Tulsa County Resource Family Association. They basically support foster families and children in foster care. Maryleta is passionate about what she does. And she does not just speak about foster parenting, she is a foster parent. AND she is an adoptive parent, to the tune of NINE children, either biological, fostering or adopting. And I don't mean she has only had nine children in her home. I mean she has (and I hope I get this right) three biological, three adopted and she is fostering three that she soon hopes to adopt! She is a wealth of information.
In addition, it is my understanding that foster parents have a type of "continued education" they must complete every year. Maryleta says attending this support group qualifies you for one credit! So not only do you get the support of sharing with other foster parents, you get credit for it! This is a win win!!!

The meetings are on the SECOND Monday of every month at Christ United Methodist Church on 36th and Harvard at 7:00 p.m. If you would like to contact Maryleta directly, you may do so at homeofmany@yahoo.com or on her cell 918-698-0252. If you are a foster parent, this is a MUST!

Financial Resources for Adoption!

2010-10-02T16:42:00.003-05:00

One of the major struggles for families (and a reasonable one) is having the finances to pay for adoption! Adoption can be fairly expensive. When you add up attorney's fees, possible agency fees, home study, filing fees, travel expenses, and any medical or birth mother expenses, the total amount can be overwhelming! We are so excited to tell you about a Christian Program that we have found that helps relieve that burden! Lifesong is a MINISTRY....it's main philosophy is making God's calling in your life possible, by offering many programs to help families adopt children! What a beautiful ministry. They have programs that offer choices such as matching grants or interest free loans! If you are not considering adopting because you believe that you can not obtain the funds, please read this site and contact this Ministry to see if they can help make your dreams of becoming a family come true.

Click HERE to go directly to their website!

$147,289.42 in Attorney's Fees, Costs, etc.

2010-09-15T20:29:00.002-05:00

Here is a link to a recent case by the Supreme Court. It should serve as caution when hiring a good attorney. Review thoroughly - this couple paid the above amount for the adoption. The Supreme Court of Oklahoma (Oklahoma's Highest Court) sent it back for the Judge to determine the reasonableness of the fees. If the Judge determines that the amount is unreasonable, the money is ordered to be refunded to the Adoptive Parents. This is a great case for adoptive families and protects the money they spend to make sure every dime is necessary. Also, read so that you know as you spend your money in the adoption, your expenses are approved! Have a good weekend!

HERE IS THE LINK:

IN THE MATTER OF THE ADOPTION OF BABY BOY A

Tax Time.....

2010-04-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

The 2009 Federal Adoption Tax Credit will be $12,150.

This is for all qualified adoption expenses in the year the family finalizes their adoption. We recommend families consult a tax professional regarding their tax needs.

PLEASE NOTE: Current tax filing for the 2009 tax season provides for $12,150 adoption tax credit. We strongly recommend adoptive families consult a legal or tax professional for more details.

What is the Hope For Children Act? The Hope for Children Act (Public Law 107-16) provides tax credit for “qualifying adoption expenses” to $12,150.(2009) It also increases the employer adoption assistance exclusion to $10,000.

When did the Federal adoption tax credit go into effect? The Hope for Children Act is effective January 1, 2002. This expanded tax credit will sunset and the Adoption Credit will revert to its original $5,000 cap in December 2010, unless the sunset is repealed. A current bill The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213 will extend or make permanent the expanded adoption tax credit. Contact your state senators and representatives to urge their support of this important legislation. To learn more about the Adoption Tax Credit's history, click here.

What are ‘qualified adoption expenses? According to the IRS: “Reasonable and necessary adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees, traveling expenses (including meals & lodging) and other expenses related to, and whose principal purpose is for, the legal adoption of an eligible child.”

Who qualifies for the tax credit? In 2009 persons with modified adjusted gross incomes of $182,180 or less, phasing out for modified adjusted gross incomes up to $222,180.

Do all adoptions qualify for the tax credit? Non-special needs domestic adoptions and FINALIZED international adoptions qualify. Overseas adoptions must be finalized in order to be legal and deemed a US citizen.

What about special needs adoptions? Domestic special needs adoptions are defined as children who are US citizens and determined by the state of residence to qualify for financial subsidy for adoption. We have a special post coming soon by a family who has just adopted a special needs infant domestically, so stay tuned!!!

How does the tax credit work for international adoptions? International adoptions must be finalized. While some adoptions are finalized in the child’s country of birth, state law in the United States governing finalization varies. All states do not recognize “adoption finalization” overseas, requiring families in those states to re-finalize the adoption to qualify for the tax credit.

Can families claim the full credit over multiple years? Yes, the credit can be applied against tax liability over six years or whenever expenses reach the $12,150 cap (2009), whichever comes first.

Asking the Hard Questions

2010-01-04T16:00:00.000-06:00

This is a story of a friend that I have grown to love and admire. I asked her if I could share this story knowing that it could help so many of us as we embark on adoption to make sure that our children and their birth families are protected in every way. Please read Charissa's story below and pray for their family!

"It is with great sadness and regret I announce that due to very difficult circumstances we will not be adopting the three children from Ethiopia that we committed to adopt.We hired Celebrate Children International (CCI) to facilitate our adoption. However, as time went on we became increasingly concerned and uneasy about the lack of answers we were getting, the defensiveness of the agency, and mostly, the fact that the agency was so heavily involved in the relinquishment process, when this is clearly a conflict of interest according to every other reputable agency we contacted.

We terminated our contract with CCI, hoping we could find some answers through a private investigation. We were able to find someone who could go to the orphanage personally to interview the children and their mothers. Our suspicions were confirmed by the mothers, CCI had approached these mothers and encouraged families to place their children for adoption to the United States. We have video of the director specifically telling the mother that she could easily find a new family for her child.

Other than the videos, we do not know what the mothers were told or whether they were offered anything in exchange, or why they didn't take the children back when they were offered them, but it was clear "our" three children are/were orphans as a direct result of an adoption agency recruiting and exploiting families and their children. We have been told the orphanage where the children have been residing has cut ties with CCI as well, stating they were also concerned about ethics that were being violated by the agency. The children are now listed with another more reputable agency. We feel peace knowing this new agency is now carefully investigating all the cases of the children at that orphanage who were previously listed with CCI.

It is my prayer that these investigations will result in the children being returned to their biological families.As you can imagine, this has been an extremely long and difficult three months for our entire family.CCI continues to practice in Ethiopia and will most likely continue these unethical practices. We have done what we can to report the evidence we have to the proper authorities, and the agency is now being investigated in Ethiopia and in Florida. Unfortunately when we called the state of Florida, we were told that there have been multiple complaints about CCI, many of them about similar unethical practices in Guatemala but there was little that can be done until Florida updates their laws to include international adoption. The US State Department can only challenge Hague accredited organizations. CCI was denied Hague accreditation and so they are exempt from US State Department scrutiny. There is a loophole that allows unethical and illegal activity to continue and it is explained in this article.We made the difficult decision to challenge our agency by asking them difficult questions. In doing so, we believe we have uncovered things that every adoptive family should be prepared to uncover.

Please pray with us that families can be restored, truth come to light, and that justice will be served. There are so many vulnerable children that are true orphans that do indeed need homes. We will always advocate adoption for those who truly need to be adopted. However, sadly, it has come to our attention that there is a great need for reform and accountability for those who profit from the adoption industry.

This adoption turned out much different than we prayed or imagined. We set out to do good by adopting a sweet little girl wearing a yellow dress, but we pray we have done a greater good by doing what we believe was the right thing to do. We are reminded that those kids were never 'our' kids, they were the Lord's all along. We have relinquished them back into His care, trusting that He will be their Defender, Protector, Father. I just thought you all should know. Thanks for your prayers and support. We are open to questions if you have any."

I will link their blog here in case you want to contact her for questions. May we all learn from the incredible questions that this family asked and decisions they made and may we all follow in their steps!

Definitions

2009-12-21T12:34:00.000-06:00

Here are some words that you might hear during the adoption process, and what they mean. These are not "Blacks Law" or "Wikepedia" definitions. This is the layman version of the words!

Agency - Generally the word that refers to the Adoption Agency.

Alleged Father - someone a mother has alleged to be the father of a child, but no court has made a legal finding that he is the father.

AWOC - (Adoption Without Consent) - when a guardian or foster parent moves the court to terminate another parents rights and grant an adoption without the consent of the parent. Can also be a step parent adoption.

Birth Mother - The bioligical mother of the adopted child.

Cost Affidavit - The document you are required to fill out by law that states all the monies you have spent during the process of adoption.

Custodian - The person who has "legal" custody of the child until the adoption is finalized, generally this is DHS or an agency.

D.H.S. - Department of Human Services (in oklahoma referred to as OKDHS)

Domestication - When you have adopted someone in another country, you will want to have your adoption "Domesticated" in the United States.

Domestic Adoption - Adopting a child within the United States.

Finalization - After the parents rights are terminated, the court will move onto the "finalization" of the adoption. Most agencies will not allow finalization to occur until after the child has been in a home for 6 months and has shown to be safe and thriving.

Foster Care - When a child has been removed from a home by the department of human services and the parents are working on getting custody back - the child is placed in a home and this is referred to as Foster Care. (Kinship Foster Care - means a person with a prior relationship with the child - not necessarily a biological relative)

Homestudy - A Social worker comes to your home and does a series of checks on the home and the status of the child and the families bonding with the child. Items included in homestudies are: family members, income, housing information, savings, background checks, DHS history (if any), bonding with the child and the childs current information and medical history.

Lifebook - A book the prospective adoptive family makes for birthparents to review when choosing an adoptive family. This is also called a profile book.

OAC - Oklahoma Adoption Coalition

Probate - This is the court that oversee's adoptions. Generally referred to as the Probate Docket.

Public Defender - Attorney generally appointed in cases where a parent is contesting the adoption. (also known as a conflict attorney).

Transracial Adoption - Adoption by parents who are not the same race as the child/children.

Choosing a Lawyer....

2009-10-30T06:30:00.000-05:00

Okay - when we went to the Adoption Task Force Meeting a couple weeks ago, one thing became entirely clear. Some attorneys take advantage of clients. From overcharging, to charging the client to LEARN what the law is, to coercing birth mothers to place a child from adoption etc. It was heartbreaking to hear of story after story where these things had happened. So here are some tips on finding a lawyer.

Where to start:

1. Ask other friends who have adopted who they have used and if they were satisfied.

2. Ask your agency who they recommend.

3. Call the local Bar Association and see who they recommend for Adoptions.

4. Interview multiple attorneys.

What to ask:

1. Will you have an employment contract? An ethical attorney will have a contract that lays out what you have hired them for, what the rate is, how you will be billed, what the retainer is, how you will be charged, etc.

2. How much do they anticipate it will cost? Some lawyers will agree to a flat rate, and some lawyers will want to be paid hourly. Both have their benefits. A flat rate, MIGHT cost you more, but you will know from day one what your costs will be. Hourly MIGHT be cheaper if the adoption moves smoothly. But if not, it would end up costing you. Never be afraid to ask for a discount or a lesser charge.

3. What types of payment do they take? cash, check, credit card or payment plan?

3. How many adoptions have they done? Where have they done them (what counties)?

4. Three references. Most attorneys WILL provide references. I know that sounds weird. But attorney's can give you client comments or references.

When to decide:

1. You want to have your attorney lined up quickly. You don't want wait until the child is born, especially if you have to hire an attorney to preform ALL parts of an adoption (relinquishment of rights and finalization) as opposed to just the finalization. Therefore, the attorney ideally will meet with the birth mother prior to the child's birth. In addition, any bargaining can be done PRIOR to the birth. Once the baby is born, there is NO time to shop.

2. You want to decide quickly because most GOOD attorneys will require a retainer. And depending on what you need done, it will be quite a bit of money. You will want to know up front.

Creative Ideas:

Adoption costs can be high. When it is time, if costs are tight, try calling a large law firm and see if someone can do an adoption pro bono. Ask lawyers for a payment plan. Call legal aid and see if they can help. But remember, you must do these things in advance, they take time. Molly said there might even be some grants to ease the financial burden. Also, MANY employers will help with adoption cost. Check with your workplace and your spouse's to see what needs to be done to apply for this.

Most of all...know your rights. Know that even if you are with an agency, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE YOUR ATTORNEY. Most agencies will recommend lawyers, but remember when it comes down to it. It is your choice. And because it is our choice, we have to make sure that we are protecting our family, our child and their birth family.

Prayers Please

2009-10-14T20:57:00.000-05:00

I am not sure that I have shared on the POA blog that the Adoption Review Task Force has asked Mandy and I to come and speak TOMORROW!

That's right! We need your prayers Thursday, October 15th @ 1:30!

We are one of 3 families sharing concerns for Oklahoma adoption law.

What an honor to be able to discuss this with such a great group of professionals!

What an honor to be able to stand united with Mandy tomorrow.

Please pray for God to speak through us and for our hearts to have peace.

Thank you for all of your support! We'll be sure to update on how it goes!

Adoption/Foster Care Information!!!

2009-10-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

I had to post about this because it's a wonderful event packed full of information.

Coming up next month there is a FREE symposium about adoption and foster care.

If you've ever been interested in either of these and need a place to get questions answered and meet professionals in this field... THIS IS THE EVENT!

Here is where you need to go!

I can't tell you how many times that people ask us questions because it's obvious we've adopted.

Then follows... "I've always wanted to adopt, BUT...

...I can't afford it."

...I don't know where to start."

...the information is overwhelming!"

So, if you've said that to me or if you've thought that please go to this event.

This group is committed to getting information into your hands and helping families make their dreams a reality!!!

Have a great day!

Cooper's Law- update

2009-09-14T06:56:00.004-05:00

I got a call Friday afternoon at 2:30 from Representative Nelson's office asking if there were anyway I could meet with him @ 4 to discuss Cooper's Law!

I jumped at the opportunity and praised God for His timing! I had just come home from dropping the kids off at Blake's parents house for the night! I had the afternoon to myself and had no time to get anxious about this!!! (Well, okay I got anxious wondering why God was having me talk about laws? I am so not qualified.)

Thank you for all of you that prayed for me. Bad news first: I completely pitted out my shirt because I was so nervous! I tried to capture a picture of it because it was quite hilarious, but it just didn't do it justice. Good news: I didn't throw up and...

HE SUPPORTS COOPER'S LAW!!!!

Praise God for getting this into the right hands. We sat and discussed what some concerns might be and how we should handle that. We discussed why this needed to be changed and what other states already had laws very similar to this. It was such a wonderful meeting and he was so open to my concerns, and he felt this deep need to protect birth mothers. How great is that??? He gets it, from all angles.

He talked about how in trying to protect the adoption process, with this law how it currently stands, we've actually made it harder for birth mothers to place.

He wants to meet our precious Mandy and hear her heart on this law... How incredible is that?

Keep praying for this to move forward. As much as he supports it, he understands there will be opposition. He does not see this "moving to session" or moving this session??? (See I shouldn't be talking about this.) Essentially, this won't happen quickly because he felt like it was a big deal, but he said this law NEEDS TO CHANGE. It cannot stand how it currently does. Praise God!!!

Thank you all for all of your support! We really and truly are amazed at how this has happened. How in the world did we get blessed enough to get this into the man's hands that is currently looking to reform Oklahoma Adoption Laws??? Only by the grace of God. Please keep praying that this law only moves forward if it is right and protects everyone involved to the best of it's ability. Pray that just as they have, doors will open and shut according to God's will. As an incredible woman told me yesterday, God is the author of adoption and He cares about this.

Giveaway....

2009-08-27T13:45:00.000-05:00

We have an awesome girl from my church, Raylea Whiteman, who is donating a "Piggies and Paws" to our cause. So we thought the best giveaway would be to a Birthmom. Nothing more beautiful than a permanent piece of art work with her baby's feet and hand prints. If you have ever seen these they are so stinking adorable. Take a little time to view the link above to see how cute these are!

Anywho - here is the give away. Leave a comment about your birthmom, and on September 8th, 2009 we will take all the comments put them in a hat and draw!

It's go time!

2009-08-22T15:09:00.004-05:00

If you live in Oklahoma, or know someone that does...I need your help! I am begging you!

Most of you know that for months now we've been working to draw attention to some adoption laws that we believe need attention.

In this mission, I have found an incredible team of professionals that come together monthly to address such needs in the adoption community. I have attended the last two adoption task force meetings and I am continued to be amazed at what all these people are doing. It is such a privilege to just be able to hear what they are doing and watch it all happen right before my eyes. There are judges, DHS representatives, adoption agencies, a public defender and now a birth mother, an adoptive mother and an adult adoptee.

At this last meeting Representative Jason Nelson shared that he has received a lot of requests for issues to be addressed by the task force. I am hoping that some of these requests were about Cooper's Law, but I know that there are lots of adoptive families out there that feel the need to have their concerns addressed! Then he asked the task force if they would be okay asking some families to share with the group their story and why they needed the task force to consider their concerns!!! I was sitting in the back of the room and almost fell out of my chair. How cool would it be for Cooper's Law and Cooper's story to be shared with so many that feel just as passionate about this as I do???

So, I am begging you. If you haven't written Representative Jason Nelson or Senator Steve Russell yet, please do! If you have and you could do so again, PLEASE DO! From what I understand this task force has a lot of weight on what issues in adoption will actually be addressed or changed! If anyone will hear me out, it will be this group. If you do write him please make reference to Cooper's Law. If you know of a personal adoption story in which you think relinquishment in the hospital could have kept an adoption in place that ended up falling through, please share that in your letter or email. Remember that our intent with this change is to protect the child and the birth parent's choice. Our goal here is that birth mothers who want to sign papers in the hospital (or at their agency) can do so without having to sit before a judge.

You can share my name if you want, but you don't have to. I am going to write them again today (for the 4th time). Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have become "one of those people"! But, I will never forget those weeks as we were losing Cooper and feeling so helpless. There was nothing we could do to keep him. I think that feeling is fueling me. In the midst of that journey I felt like it was just a part of adoption and something that had to be risked, but now I know better. Many states are doing this differently and there is no reason why we should continue in something that is not working. And because of that, I feel like I have to at least try to do something. Another incredible thing is that Cooper's birthmom supports this 100% and only wishes this had been in place long ago.

These 3 were some of those that were taken the day we lost Cooper. We were saying good-bye to our sweet baby boy.

On another note, many of you have asked if I had heard if I had been chosen to be on the task force. I found out yesterday that I did not. I joked about not being qualified, and boy was I right! The mom they chose is a wonderful pick as she wrote the bill that in its approval put into affect the adoption task force...she deserves to be on it!

Let's get busy writing some letters/emails! If you click on the representative or senators names it is linked to their info. If you can only write one, please address Rep. Jason Nelson as he was the one addressing the task force with this idea! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

Transracial Parenting Workshop

2009-08-20T21:22:00.001-05:00

I had to share this!

Our agency did a workshop in February and it was incredible. I blogged about it here and we had a wonderful discussion about race and issues that surface in transracial adoption.

So they are hosting another workshop and I am so excited. There will be a transracial adoptee/parent panel! What a wonderful resource for questions!

This is open to any couple that has adopted transracially. It does not matter if it was through another agency or anything. This is how our transracial playgroup got started!

Date: 9.12.09

Time: 9:30am -12:30pm

Location: DPAS offices, Brixton Square 7101 NW Expressway, Ste 325, OKC

Please RSVP to Catherine Howe and prepay by 9.7.09

Here is a link to their site or call 405.949.4200

It is $20 per couple. Brunch snacks provided and children under 6 months are welcome.

Hope to see you there!

Cooper's Law...it's long!!!!

2009-08-01T15:49:00.000-05:00

Section 7503 – 2.3 Permanent Relinquishment
A. A permanent relinquishment may be executed by a person whose consent to the adoption of a minor is required by Section 7503-2.1 of this title. The permanent relinquishment shall be in writing and shall relinquish all of that individual's rights with respect to the minor, including legal and physical custody and the right to consent to the minor's adoption.
B. Permanent relinquishments may be made only to:
1. The Department of Human Services;
2. A child-placing agency; or
3. Any other person, with the written consent of the Department or court.
C. A permanent relinquishment shall be either:
1. In writing, executed before a judge of the district court in this state, recorded by a court reporter and contain:
a. The date, place, and time of the execution of the permanent relinquishment;
b. The name and date of birth of the person executing the permanent relinquishment;
c. The current mailing address, telephone number and social security number of the person executing the permanent relinquishment;
d. Instructions that the permanent relinquishment is irrevocable, except upon the specific grounds specified in Section 7503-2.7 of this title, upon which the permanent relinquishment can be revoked and the manner in which a motion to set aside the permanent relinquishment must be filed; and
e. The name of the person or agency as described in subsection B of this section to whom the permanent relinquishment is being given and who shall have the right to give consent to the minor's adoption, OR
2. Signed after the birth of the child, but not before 48 hours after the birth of the child, by the parent, whether or not a minor, whose parental rights are to be relinquished; witnessed by two credible persons; and verified before a person authorized to take oaths
(A) The affidavit must contain:
1. The name, county of residence, and age of the parent whose parental rights are being relinquished;
2. The name, age and birth date of the child;
3. The names and addresses of the guardians of the person and estate of the child, if any:
4. A statement that the affiant is or is not presently obligated by court order to make payment for the support of the child;
5. A full description and statement of value of all property owned or possessed by the child;
6. An allegation that termination of the parent-child relationship is in the best interest of the child;
7. One of the following, as applicable:
(a)The name and county of residence of the other parent;
(b) A statement that the parental rights of the other parent have been terminated by death or court order, or
(c) A statement that the child has no presumed father
8. A statement that the parent has been informed of parental rights and duties;
9. A statement that the relinquishment is revocable, that the relinquishment is irrevocable, or that the relinquishment is irrevocable for a stated period of time;
10. If the relinquishment is revocable, a statement in boldfaced type concerning the right of the parent signing the affidavit to revoke the relinquishment only if the revocation is made before the 11th day after the date the affidavit is executed;
11. If the relinquishment is revocable, the name and address of a person to whom the revocation is to be delivered; and
12. The designation of a prospective adoption parent, the Department of Human Services, if the department has consented in writing to the designation, or a licensed child-placing agency to serve as managing conservator of the child and the address of the person or agency.
(B) The Affidavit may contain:
(1) A waiver of process in a suit to terminate the parent-child relationship filed under this chapter or in a suit to terminate joined with a petition for adoption; and
(2) A consent to the placement of the child for adoption by the Department of Human Services or by a licensed child-placing agency.
(C) A copy of the affidavit shall be provided to the parent at the time that the parent signs the affidavit.
(D) The relinquishment in an affidavit that designates the Department of Human Services or a licensed child-placing agency to serve as the managing conservator is irrevocable. A relinquishment in any other affidavit of relinquishment is revocable unless it expressly provides that it is irrevocable for a stated period of time not to exceed sixty days after the date of it’s execution.
(E) A relinquishment in an affidavit of relinquishment of parental rights that fails to state that the relinquishment is irrevocable, is revocable for a period of 72 hours.
(F) To revoke a relinquishment under subsection (e) the parent must sign a statement witnessed by two credible persons and verified before a person authorized to take oaths. A copy of the revocation shall be delivered to the person designated in the affidavit. If a parent attempting to revoke a relinquishment under this subsection has knowledge that a suit for termination of the parent-child relationship has been filed based on the parent’s affidavit of relinquishment of parental rights, the parent shall file a copy of the revocation with the clerk of the court.
(G) The affidavit may not contain terms for limited post-termination contact between the child and the parent whose parental rights are to be relinquished as a condition of the relinquishment of parental rights.
D. Any permanent relinquishment must state:
1. That the person executing the document is voluntarily and unequivocally consenting to the adoption of the minor;
2. An understanding that after the permanent relinquishment is executed, it is final and, except for fraud or duress, may not be revoked or set aside for any reason except as otherwise authorized by the Oklahoma Adoption Code;
3. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment is represented by counsel or has waived any right to counsel;
4. That the execution of the permanent relinquishment does not terminate any duty of the person executing the permanent relinquishment to support the mother or the minor until the adoption is completed;
5. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment has not received or been promised any money or anything of value for the permanent relinquishment, except for payments authorized by law;
6. Whether the individual executing the permanent relinquishment is a member of an Indian tribe and whether the minor is eligible for membership or the minor is a member of an Indian tribe;
7. That the person believes the adoption of the minor is in the minor's best interest; and
8. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment has been advised that an adult adopted person born in Oklahoma, whose decree of adoption is finalized after November 1, 1997, may obtain a copy of such person's original certificate of birth unless affidavits of nondisclosure have been filed pursuant to Section 7503-2.5 of this title and that the relinquishing parent may sign an affidavit of nondisclosure.
E. When it appears to the court that the parent or guardian executing a permanent relinquishment or affidavit desires counsel but is indigent and cannot for that reason employ counsel, the court shall appoint counsel shall be appointed or provided. In all counties having county indigent defenders, the county indigent defenders shall assume the duties of representation in such proceedings.
F. The transcript of the court proceedings or affidavit pursuant to this section shall be placed in the court record.
G. The verification of the court shall be in substantially the following form:
I, ____________________, Judge of the District Court in and for _________________ County, State of Oklahoma, a Court having original adoption jurisdiction, do hereby certify, that upon this day, ________________ personally appeared in open Court, before me, and orally and in writing executed the above and foregoing permanent relinquishment for adoption.
In executing this acknowledgment, I further certify that the said ___________________ acknowledged that the person executed said relinquishment to adoption freely and voluntarily, and that it was explained to such person by or before me, the undersigned Judge of the District Court, that in executing the relinquishment, the person was surrendering all parental authority whatsoever over the minor; and that with such explanation made to the person relinquishing the minor by or before me, the undersigned Judge of the District Court, the person executed the relinquishment, freely, voluntarily and intelligently for all uses and purposes therein set forth.
I further certify that it was explained to the relinquishing person that this relinquishment is irrevocable and final except for fraud or duress and may not be revoked or set aside except and unless no Petition to Adopt is filed within nine (9) months after placement of the minor or if this or some other court decides not to terminate the rights of the other parent of the minor. I further certify that I am satisfied that the relinquishing person understands the consequences of an adoption; the relinquishing person has represented that such person has not received or been promised any money or anything of value for the giving of the permanent relinquishment except for those payments authorized by law; the relinquishing person has represented that such person is not under the influence of alcohol or medication or any other substance that affects the person's competence; the person fully understood the English language and communicated in the English language at all times during said hearing, or all information was translated into the relinquishing person's language, and was fully understood by the person; and if the relinquishing person was the biological parent, such parent was advised regarding the affidavit of nondisclosure.
H. A permanent relinquishment shall be signed before any judge of a court having probate or adoption jurisdiction in this state or in the state of residence of the person executing the permanent relinquishment, unless relinquishment is done by affidavit pursuant to (C)(2) of this section.
I. 1. a. If an individual permanently relinquishing the child resides in a country or place other than the United States of America, other than a member of the United States Armed Services stationed abroad, the permanent relinquishment of the individual may be obtained by a written instrument signed by such person and acknowledged before an officer of the legal subdivision of the government of the place of such person's residence who is authorized to administer oaths under the laws of such country or place.
b. If the foreign country's government does not involve itself in adoption matters, the permanent relinquishment may be executed before an officer of the Judge Advocate General's Office of the United States Armed Services or before an officer of the United States Embassy located in that country, provided the execution of a permanent relinquishment is not a violation of the laws of the foreign country, or a violation of international law or treaty between the foreign country's government and the United States. The permanent relinquishment shall reflect that the permanent relinquishment is not given or accepted in violation of the laws of the foreign country or in violation of international law or treaty between such foreign country's government and the United States.
2. If an individual permanently relinquishing the child is a member of the United States Armed Services stationed in a country or place other than the United States, the individual's permanent relinquishment may be acknowledged before an officer of the Judge Advocate General's Office or other legal officer possessing the authority to administer oaths.
J. If the written instrument containing a permanent relinquishment is written in a language other than the English language, the petitioner must have it translated into the English language by a person qualified to do so, and must file the original instrument together with the translation with the court. The translation must be sworn to as being a true and correct translation by the person translating the document.
K. Except as otherwise required by subsection I of this section, when the person permanently relinquishing the child for the purposes of adoption resides outside of Oklahoma, the permanent relinquishment by such person may be executed in that state or country in the manner set forth in the Oklahoma Adoption Code or in the manner prescribed by the laws of the state or country of such person's residence.
L. 1. A court before which a permanent relinquishment has been executed may enter an order terminating parental rights of the parent of a child if such parent has executed a permanent relinquishment for adoption pursuant to the Oklahoma Adoption Code. may enter an order terminating parental rights of the parent of a child if such parent has executed a permanent relinquishment for adoption pursuant to the either provision of the Oklahoma Adoption Code.
2. Any order terminating parental rights of a parent pursuant to this subsection shall state that the termination of parental rights shall not terminate the duty of the parent to support the child of such parent. The duty of the parent to support the child shall not be terminated until such time as a final decree of adoption has been entered.
3. Any proceedings held pursuant to this section shall not require the state as a necessary party.

A Birth Mother's Thoughts

2009-07-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

We are trying to think of way to not only encourage other families to adopt, but also give a positive voice to adoption. In this post we are trying to improve this journey for everyone involved by opening our eyes to what birth parents go through who choose to place there child for adoption.

We wanted to give a birth mother an opportunity to give us insight as to what they feel and experience during the process. Below is a snipit of Abbie's story.

"Adoption has so, so much potential. In my case, I grew up in an extremely abusive household. I've been beaten, battered, physically, emotionally and mentally tortured, my entire life from people who were "family". I have racist, prejudiced "family" who no matter where I've been or what I've done, they have bent over backwards to have a controlling interest and damming attitude, as no matter how great or how amazing, it was horrible and had to go. To find myself engaged, I was thrilled. To find myself pregnant with twins, I was horrified.

So was my fiancee. He ran.

When your not an abortion advocate, (i am pro-life but respect folks choices in life to leave it at that) You have to think the options are adoption or keeping the baby. My girls deserved better. My girls did not deserve to grow up where I had, even though I could provide for them. No, adoption seemed like such a great choice. Especially open adoption. So I walked in the door. Little did I know, my adoption, although not even started yet, was already horribly messy.

At 4.5 months I was completely turned away altogether by the only agency in my small town.
Because I hadnt given birth before.......I was turned away and told to come back at 6 months along, when I've accepted the idea that i'm really pregnant. I was measuring 34 weeks for a singleton with twins at the time.

At 6.5 months along, I wasn't allowed to look at certain profiles, because of the possibility of pre-term labor, which my agency defined as a "special need" Their reasoning? If I selected a multiple accepting family, but not a multiple accepting with special need family, I could severely detriment their mental state, and possibly inhibit their chance of a successful adoption because they were working with me at the time. Never was it mentioned that I could have to choose another family because the family I selected wasn't able to handle preemies, just what their concerns for the adoptive families were.......

This left me with 2 choices for in-state (the less horrifying of the court dates choice)
One was a family whose religion was LDS. I don't know enough about the religion nor could I find out enough information to see what their beliefs were, which scared me even more.

If you walk into my agency right now and you are 8 weeks pregnant but you have given birth before, whether you placed or not, my agency will bend over backwards for you. They will leave you alone in the confrence room with every profile in the building while they work on housing, and assistance for you. If you are white, it happens much much faster. If you have placed a child before, they will get you lunch and go pack you up out of whatever situation you were in to help you better yourself. You, have known and accepted the reality of pregnancy and giving birth.

However, if you've never given birth before, you may not walk in the building until you are 6.5 months along.

If you are carrying multiples you may only see profiles of special needs and multiple accepting families, unless there is a racial consideration, thereby limiting your profile choices to next to nil. You cannot contact a birthfamily nor will they be contacted on your behalf until you have come to 6 counseling sessions (to see if your serious about considering placement). So that narrows it down for most moms, looking at profiles at 7 months along. Depending on family interest, and some other factors, it may take a few weeks to get together to see if its a great match. IF, the match seems good at 7.5 months then you are a lucky one who gets about 2 months before birth to really get to know your chosen family.

But what about the ones who don't? What about friends like mine who chose their family 2 days before the birth for an "open adoption". They are giving their babies basically to strangers! In an effort to promote open adoptions nationwide, Im (gulp) suggesting a revolution.

Lets encourage adoptive families and most agencies to completely change their ways of thinking. This isn't clinical. It shouldn't be treated as a whose better situation. Adoption is an extremely hard but severely love driven choice, that isn't to be taken lightly, nor made quickly. A rushed decision doesn't lead to the best for any child, or any adoptive family either. Think about how much the adoptive family is missing without really knowing the woman who gave birth to their child. Remove the visiting and sharing pics, etc. for a minute. If you are adopting, think of what would happen if you go into a hospital and pick up a baby that they say is yours and you just walk away. Yes, you would have a baby. But that is all you would have. You dont know if everyone on both sides of his genetic heritage had environmentally induced
asthma from birth and they were on this or that medicine to survive. You dont know that when he is 4 and decides that peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches are the best things ever, that you dont need to throw up, he gets that from his birthmother.

Adoptive parents, just picture this. What would happen, if you KNEW who was giving birth to your child. What if whatever experience or events led you to choosing adoption, could be vicariously lived through one incredible woman who not only wants to share this with you, but has decided the best option for her child was to entrust you with his or her care? What if ( this is an example done by a friend) you, and she both kept a journal. You could be writing all sorts of things about what you do, your likes and dislikes, your plans for the future with your children, your feelings during this time, and then while she was reading that, and knowing that you were so breathlessly waiting for the chance to offer her child everything you had, she was filling you in on the details. Who has what diseases. That she recommends the baby get allergy tests at birth because both her and her brother spent time in the NICU with severe breathing problems before someone realized they were environmentally asthmatic, allergic to pollen and grass, and she would like the baby to not have to go through that, as well as you have the knowledge on whats ahead, to help you be better parents to this precious child. What if you decided to meet Tuesdays and Thursdays to talk about where life is taking you, what you both desire as far as communication after the birth. Do you want to be super close? If so, what does she want? The more time you have to talk about this before the birth, the better, more keepable plan you can have. This benefits all by making sure the plan is clear and concise to the best of your abilities. Doing so makes birthing a baby intended for adoption that much easier. That less of a stress on your birthmother. This just gives you that much more of an amazing chance, at an amazing relationship, with tons of love and support surrounding your adoption .

This is why im advocating that any birth mother should be able to talk with anyone at an adoption agency at any time. Im also advocating that adoptive families should open their eyes to the amazing possibilities of this experience. I believe, if you are brave enough, to accept talking to someone who may be interested in placing with you, from a very early start in the pregnancy, you will receive a reward, one day, when your child comes to you and thanks you, for being brave, keeping the lines of communication open, and completely understands the choice of placing him or her for adoption, and knows that all the people involved, put it all on the line, out of love, for them. "

Orphans Deserve Better

2009-07-28T06:34:00.003-05:00

I know this post is late, but I know that people still don't know about this movie. So, I am going to post it here too!

There is a movie that was released last week that is called Orphan. It is about a 9 year-old girl that is adopted into a family. After the transition into her new family she begins to terrorize everyone she knows, including her new family. The preview alone is enough to make anyone that has considered adoption, but is "riding the fence" run in the other direction. I realize that people that are considering adoption won't actually go see this movie, because it is a horror film. What gets me is that trailer and preview. So many people have seen it.

Someone asked me last week why it was so upsetting since it was fictional and a horror film and not reality. This is why...most people that talk to me about adoption and fostering have fears about how the transition will go. Usually the conversation moves to the age of the children they would be open to and a fear of what trauma they might have experienced. Then it moves to the thought that we don't want to expose our children to something harmful. This is why Orphan is so upsetting. It is focusing on something that actually could happen, but is not common. It is stereotyping children that need a family as one that is to be afraid of. It pushes all of us to fear and not to seeking what Christ is asking us to do in caring for the fatherless.

Please help us by signing this petition and asking Warner Bros. to donate some of their profits from the movie to help orphans around the world.

A local news station called our agency last week and said they were doing a story to counter the release of this movie. They interviewed the director of the agency and our family. Please let me preface this by telling you that this was done last minute and evidently I didn't have time to remove the gum from my mouth! So embarrassing! Anyway, at least they gave the adoption community an opportunity to speak up about this film! Just wish I could have been a better spokesperson...SORRY! I am linking the story below because I can't figure out how to link it to this post!

News Story on Orphan

2009-07-28T06:30:00.000-05:00

KOKH FOX 25 :: Top Stories

Shared via AddThis

Adoption Task Force

2009-07-21T05:40:00.000-05:00

Whoa! I am so excited about this group and what they are doing!

On Friday, the committee had their monthly meeting and I sat in on it. I wasn't really invited, but was told it was open so I went to see what they do. It was so cool!

This is a group of people who are working together to improve adoption in the state of Oklahoma. They are not just working on domestic adoption, but international and DHS adoption as well! The two men leading the meeting were Representative Jason Nelson and Senator Steve Russell. I am not sure how this committee was put together, but they did a wonderful job opening the doors to so many different people in different areas to create a wonderful balance. There were 3 judges, several different agencies represented, the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition, a public defender and that's just what I could see from the name tags I could read!

I was so proud of myself for keeping quiet and just listening. Blake will be the first to tell you that I am not a good listener, so this took a lot of work for me to just sit there and take it all in. In all honesty though, I was just shocked at all they are wanting to do with this committee! It makes me so proud of our state that we have this group of people working to better adoption for everyone involved. The group broke out into subcommittees to look at different areas to be addressed: courts, adoption related expenses, and children's rights.

So I just had to let you know what we are doing to continue to support changes in law and find resources to encourage those that are thinking about adoption. If you haven't yet contacted these two politicians about our desires to amend current laws in OK with Cooper's Law please take the chance to do so today. If you click on their names above it is linked to their contact information. I am hoping that with my presence at these meetings I could draw more attention to this amendment. Please also pray for everything that we are following what God is calling us to do in Oklahoma to care for His children and families.

If you would like to know more about Cooper's Law, go here or email us (mollykshockley@hotmail.com) and we'll send you the full text amendment. Some of you asked about a form letter so that you could have friends easily send out an email, but after researching it we decided that they are not very effective. My email was not lengthy but let them know why I supported Cooper's Law and how much I appreciate their attention and concern for adoption in Oklahoma. Thanks again for your constant support!

Private Adoption - Option Number 3

2009-07-13T14:10:00.005-05:00

So there really is a third option. You can privately adopt a child, without going through an agency and without going through DHS (to some extent). Here is how it works. Find someone willing to place their child up for adoption. That is the trick! Seriously - I know it sounds weird, and I am sure to you sounds a little ridiculous! But it has happened to me TWICE. We told people that we were considering adopting a child. And TWO times we were contacted by families about adopting their children. If you have read my story - you remember that my husband and I were going to adopt a little girl from Texas. Literally - a lady from our church had an old friend from highschool, who had a thirteen year old daughter who was pregnant! And that was it! Obviously you still have to do a homestudy and background check (DHS) but you can literally pay for an attorney for the birthparents (if they request one) and then hire your own attorney to finalize the adoption. You don't HAVE to use an adoption agency and you don't HAVE to go through DHS foster care or waiting child.

However, and this is a big HOWEVER. Be very careful of whom you hire. Many attorney's will be willing to do your adoption. But you want to be careful that you know the right questions to ask. You understand the billing arrangements. You know what you will be paying for. You have a good working relationship with an attorney you trust. In my book - ask someone you know who has adopted and ask for their attorney. Chances are - you will have a similar experience . (A post coming soon on how to pick an attorney and questions to ask!)

Obviously - our practice The Patterson Law Firm does these types of adoptions. We have clients who have "found" children (for lack of a better word) and we have assisted them in terminating the parents rights and in adopting their children. There are draw backs to private adoptions. We do not provide services for the birthparents, we do not provide follow up with you or counseling for your family. We simply do the legal work. For some - this is the best option, as they avoid the expense of an agency. And I assure you that if you are strapped for cash - this is likely the only option.

To each their own. Not everything works for everyone! So read all three options and choose the best option for your family!

Truly inspiring!

2009-06-27T07:45:00.000-05:00

***This entire post has been hijacked from Heather's blog***

SBC Messengers Enthusiastically Support Moore's Resolution on Adoption

Jeff Robinson June 26, 2009

Messengers at the 2009 annual meeting of The Southern Baptist Convention in Louisville on Wednesday overwhelmingly passed a resolution proposed by Russell D. Moore promoting adoption and orphan care.

The resolution encouraged every Southern Baptist family to pray about whether God wants them to adopt or provide foster care for a child or children. It also called on Southern Baptist and other evangelical churches to devote a Sunday each year to emphasize "our adoption in Christ and our common burden for the orphans of the world."

Moore, who serves as senior vice president for academic administration and dean of the School of Theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, knows well of which he proposed; Moore and his wife Maria adopted two of their sons from a Russian orphanage a few years ago.
Moore hopes the resolution will provoke deep thinking that leads to action among Southern Baptists regarding the Gospel significance of adoption and orphan care; all who are saved by God’s grace were once orphans who were adopted into the Kingdom of Christ.

The number of adoptions among evangelicals has steadily increased in recent years, yet the need is profound: in the United States alone, more than 500,000 children were in foster care system in 2005, the last year for which federal statistics were available. About 115,000 were waiting for adoption.

“Something is a foot among Christian families and churches of virtually every kind,” Moore said.

“God is calling the people of Christ to see the face of Jesus in the faces of orphans in North America and around the world. Southern Baptists have affirmed our belief in the authority of Scripture, and the Bible tells us pure religion is defined by care for the fatherless.

“We’ve been defined by our commitment to evangelism, and there is no greater field is 'white unto harvest’ right now as children in orphanages, group homes, and the foster care system, children who don’t know a parent’s love and who don’t know the name of Jesus. When Satan wars against children, we should be the ones who have compassion on them, even as Jesus did and does.

Moore authored a deeply personal and compellingly theological book on adoption that was published in May by Crossway books, “Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families &Churches.” In it, Moore argues that the church should view the adoption of orphans as a crucial part of its mission precisely because God has adopted helpless sinners to be His sons.

“The resolution by itself isn’t going to spark an orphan care movement among Southern Baptists,” he said.“Neither is my book, and neither are a thousand manifestoes. Only the Holy Spirit can do that as local churches start to embrace a vision for orphan care.

“The resolution though was meant to prompt some questions. If one messenger in the Convention hall is moved to simply pray, ‘Lord, how would you have me minister to orphans?’ then the resolution is a success, in my view. If one pastor is prompted to ponder how he could preach on adoption, or lead a foster care ministry among his folks, then the work is starting.

During the introduction of the resolution, Moore appeared on stage with Timothy and Benjamin, the sons he and his wife adopted seven years ago. More than 8,000 messengers met the resolution and its unanimous passage with lengthy, enthusiastic applause.

“I was overwhelmed with emotion on the platform to see my sons, two little ex-orphans, looking out on a sea of yellow ballots as thousands of Southern Baptists affirmed that we want to be the people who love fatherless children,” he said.

“I realized that, in an alternative story, my boys would still be in an orphanage, not knowing even the name of Christ Jesus. But here they are, at the Southern Baptist Convention, calling by their very presence the world’s largest Protestant denomination to recognize there are hundreds of thousands of children as helpless and alone as they once were.

“My prayer is that twenty years from now there are thousands of Southern Baptist pastors, missionaries, and church leaders who started their lives as orphans, now preaching the gospel of God their Father.”

We are the Body

2009-06-23T14:34:00.004-05:00

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

**This is one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs**
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I had to share something that you wouldn't see if I didn't take pictures of it.

I wanted to thank you all for praying for and providing for these children that are without a family.

I had to share how you are being the body of Christ by loving on the littlest of His children.

Each child got at least 10 outfits, a bible, a DVD, toys, backpack, laundry basket, blankets, flip flops, books, and a wrapped present. That's just what I can remember!

The other great news is that 5 families have contacted me in the interest of adopting them. Does that give you chills?

What makes me even more excited is that it means that 5 couples have opened their hearts to adoption and that just thrills me to pieces. Our 10,000 kids in OK foster care might be dwindling as we strive to become more active as the body of Christ.

Thank you for the prayers. Please continue to keep these children in your heart as I am sure they still have a long road in front of them. Thank you to the families who gave so generously to these children!

What Are YOU doing?

2009-06-18T09:23:00.000-05:00

This is not a post to call you out. But of course, we feel called to do something for orphans in Oklahoma. Not everyone is called to adopt, so today - you get the perspective of someone who is NOT going to adopt a child.....EVER. So - did that get your attention? I hope it did. Offended? Don't be.

You see I thought I was going to adopt. I thought I would adopt my firstborn. Her name was (IS) Grace. We were picked by her birthmom and we were scheduled to meet "R" (our birthmom) on July 25th, 2006 - that date is forever etched in my memory. But on July 6th, I found out I was pregnant. Many of you think I would have been elated - I was devastated. I had bonded to what I thought was going to be my baby.....but it wasn't to be. So I did actually have a baby, in February of 2007. But in my mind, the pregnancy was a miracle and there wasn't any way I would get pregnant again. So after my daughter was about ten months old, my husband and I started to look at an adoption agency again, and fill out the paperwork. Yep - I filled out paperwork to adopt my second child.....but in February of 2008 - I found out I was pregnant AGAIN. My husband and I only want two children, at one point, I thought I wanted three - but with two, I realize this is what our family is going to be.

So is that the end of my adoption story? No....I might not be an "adoptive mom", but we are all called to do something. So I took a good look at myself to see what I can do for the "adoption community". For starters - I am a lawyer. Ha! Not always highly looked upon - even in the adoption community. BUT - that is something that I can use to help the community. So - with my sister, I am working on changing legislation. But that is a SLOW process, so in the mean time, what else can I do? So - I do adoptions....for free. Not for everyone - don't all start calling. But for family, close friends, and some from our church family. I am currently working on two. My husband and I have decided that since we feel so strongly about adoption, that since we won't be adopting, we would like to "fund" someone else to adopt a child. Of course - with me not working full time or working for free, we won't be doing that any time soon, but we have a goal to pay for an adoption.
This is Molly adding this picture. This is of Becki, Blake and I, Cooper and Sadie on Sadie's Gotcha Day when we were in court. Such a wonderful gift for our finalization to be free!

Why in the world am I telling you this? (I am sure you are like - what is this? Does this lady just want a pat on the back?) No - although I like my back pats! I want you to open your mind up and see what YOU can do to help the adoptive community? To help orphans? What are your gifts, strengths? Want some ideas?

1. Take clothes by the local "children's shelter" in your area.

2. Take a handful of movie tickets for the teens at the local shelter.

3. Take by pizzas for a pizza dinner for the shelter.

4. Buy "white water" or "big splash" tickets for the kids at the shelter and drop them off.

5. Host a picnic, cook out, ice cream party for the shelter.

6. Become a foster parent. (OK that one is big - thought I would sneak it in there!)

7. Get involved in POA - write a PSA for us to play on local radio stations.

8. Go to meetings at the Capitol in OKC for the Adoption Task Force.

9. Go to your local adoption agency and make a donation.

10. Volunteer as a Child Advocate for CASA.

Many of you donated money for the birth mother retreat for Mother's Day. These were the baskets that were given to each birth mom who attended. They were beyond blessed. To see more go here to see the story.

The point is, at the end of the day....what are you doing with your time? Will it make a lasting impact on someone's life?

I want to end this with a personal story. I don't mention this a lot, but I am a prosecutor. For years, my sole job was to prosecute parents and terminate their parental rights to their children, for reasons of physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, deprivation, lack of medical care, etc. It was/is a rewarding job. The last child I removed from her home, was a sweet baby girl. I had removed her two biological sisters years earlier. Her birthmom still had not corrected her "problem", so this tiny one was removed. She was placed with her sisters. After serving her parents, neither showed for Court - they knew where this was headed. I obviously had a good working relationship with the "foster parents" who choose to adopt this little girl (and her sisters). One day, as I was sitting in my office, the adoptive mom called me, she asked if I had time to talk. Of course - for her I did. She gently started telling me of the adoption pending, how they wanted me to attend and that they had chosen a name for the baby. She would be called....Becki. Is there a better reward than that?

My challenge....do something....anything, this week, and please e-mail us, send a pic, even just post a comment....Let us know how you can help.

MEETING CANCELLED

2009-06-17T15:07:00.001-05:00

Thank you Dierdre for giving me heads up!

The Adoption Task Force meeting for Friday, June 19th has been cancelled.

3rd Friday

2009-06-16T14:18:00.004-05:00

It's the 3rd Friday, not the 3rd Thursday, on which the Adoption Task Force meets. Same place as mentioned before. I changed it on the post, but wanted to make sure if anyone was planning on trying to attend that you would be EARLY if you came on Thursday!

So, please join me if you can. The 3rd Friday of every month from 1-3pm at the state capitol room 412 C.

Also, thanks to all of you that have emailed me about helping out with the kids. I am so excited and I know that this will bless them more than we will ever know. Please pray that they feel the love of Christ through all of this. Also, please keep praying for their forever family to find them and start the process of adopting them!

Caring for the fatherless

2009-06-12T08:40:00.004-05:00

First, I want to thank you for all of you that have been following us and praying for the children that I mentioned a couple of posts back.

Sadly, I have not heard from anyone willing to open their home to these kids. Please continue to pray that God speaks clearly to the family He has already chosen for this sibling group.

I mentioned in the last post about Adopt(ed) and I have enjoyed reading through some of their posts. One thing that Charissa mentioned that I thought was such a wonderful point for domestic adoption was this...

"Just because we do not have orphanages in the United States does not mean we don't have orphans."

So many times we think that our system is better than so many other countries because we don't have orphanages. As Christians, we need to care for these children.

So, here is what I am asking. The teacher (Michelle) that brought this sibling group to my attention has given me more information. The children are girl (5), boy (7) and girl (9). They were taken from their foster home and put into a safe home and they lost everything they called their own. They don't have any of their clothes, none of their toys...nothing to call their own or remind them of what they once called home.

Michelle is wanting to know if anyone would be willing to help remind them of God's love and plan for their life. She is wanting to put together some goodies for them just to make them smile and remind them they are loved.

I would love to collect things if you want to help out. The youngest girl wears a 4T and loves to dress up and also play pirate. So cute! The boy wears a 6-7 and loves anything Spiderman and Batman. The oldest girl loves to draw and be creative and wears a size 7-8. I will take anything and even will take money and I will buy the items if that's easier for you.

I feel like this is the least that we can do to love on these children in such a difficult time for them. They are old enough to understand so much of what's going on and they feel the stress and anxiety of being moved out of their foster home.

My PO Box is 5692 Edmond OK 73083 (Molly Shockley). Please only send money through the PO box as it is a small box. If you are going to collect items, please comment and we can find a way that I can come and get them. Michelle (the oldest girl's teacher) is wanting to give them the goodies in about a week!

Thanks for helping in any way that you can!

Adopt(ed)

2009-06-10T19:33:00.005-05:00

I recently found a blog that shares our passion for adoption and asked if I could share this post. Please read as this is very powerful. I am proud to say that these mama's are from Oklahoma too!

Here it is:

"Recently I was made aware of a situation where two siblings locally were removed from their home for child abuse. A group of over 3,000 people were presented with this situation and asked whether anyone in the room could take these children in. I was thankful to find out a couple stepped forward........ but saddened and a little perplexed to find out that only one couple, out of a group of over 3,000 christian people.....stepped forward.

I wish I could remember where I read this so I could quote it accurately as well as give them proper credit, but somewhere recently I read a statement that said something like this: "In a city where there are Christians, there should be no unwanted children."

Ouch.

Which makes me wonder why this is so. WHY, if there are 450,000 churches in the U.S.A., WHY are there 129,000 children in the U.S. waiting for families?

My pastor, Alex Himaya, did a sermon series explaining WHY God has such a heart for adoption. I encourage every believer to hear it (Click here to hear). Out of that sermon came an orphan ministry that John and I are so thankful to be a part of. I am working on a new blog,
adopt-ed.blogspot.com where I hope to share stories related to orphans and vulnerable children, connect adoptive families, highlight events, share some of the outreaches of our church adoption ministry, etc. I do hope you'll come visit it, set your google reader, and be a part of the Adopt(Ed) ministry at The Church at Battle Creek.

God is at work...

2009-06-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where to start this post, but by saying that possibly this is why God wanted us to start an OK adoption blog.

That gives me chills to even think about.

I am hoping that each of you will pray over this situation and seriously consider if God is calling you to something here.

I got an email from a pastor at our church about siblings that are needing a family. Evidently, one of the siblings is in class with a teacher from my church. The teacher heard that they were put into a safe home and taken out of their foster home and were most likely going to be split up because they have no homes open to 3 siblings.

So, this is where we need some serious prayer over these 3, ages 5, 7, and 9. The 9 year old is a girl.

I asked if it was okay that we post about these 3 just praying that someone would know someone wanting to adopt. This pastor is going to try and get more information on the kids so please email me or comment if you are interested or know someone who is. I don't want to post a lot about them just to protect them, but will share as we know more to those open to adoption.

Here is my email: mollykshockley@hotmail.com

The best thing you can do at this point is join me in praying for these children that only have each other and are scared to death they are going to lose just that.

Visible

2009-06-04T20:34:00.007-05:00

Okay, I am sure many are wondering where we are with our proposal.

What progress is being made with our current priority of Cooper's Law?

We are still trying to gain attention to this amendment. That's where we are...this takes a while.

I hadn't heard back about the adoption task force that we mentioned a while back, so I contacted two of those on the committee and heard back from Representative Jason Nelson.

I really just asked about how we could follow their progress and what their current focus was on.

And I thought his response was both exciting and would help us to be visible and present.

The committee meets the third Friday of every month from 1 to 3 PM in room 412C of the Capitol. This is an open meeting at this point! I am so excited about this and I am hoping this means that we could have some visibility for the committee.

So, I am going to do everything that I can to get childcare during this time. I am hoping there might be others in the area that could occasionally be present for this committee meeting. We just need to know what things they are talking about and we need to be there if they have questions about what we are proposing with our law!

Such exciting stuff! Please let me know if you are willing to help me out even if just once to be present at one of these meetings!

New here?

2009-05-26T05:54:00.002-05:00

Hey if you are new to the blog and just stopping by to check us out click HERE to read about what our purpose is with this blog!

Glad you came by and hope you can follow us a while!

~Becki and Molly

May is Foster Care Month

2009-05-16T13:25:00.001-05:00

I keep hearing this statistic on the radio and I can't shake it.

There are over 10,000 children in foster care in Oklahoma alone.

I can't seem to get that thought out of my head that these are the "orphans" that God meant for us to look after.

Please pray for these children that they may find their forever family and will no longer have to question God's purpose for their life.

(Remember to turn off the music on the blog to hear the sound on the video)

Although they didn't mention the two adoptions we love to talk about, Jesus and Moses, I think it's a wonderful video to make us all think!

I had no idea...

2009-05-14T12:52:00.008-05:00

I had no idea that this incredible federal adoption tax credit was only temporary until Holden's mommy pointed it out to me!

That's right, it is to expire in December 2010!

We need your help in getting the word out that this tax credit needs to stay!

I realize most of you know of the cost of adoption. In domestic adoption it varies depending on the agency or attorney you are using, but typically it's at least $15,000. I am not saying it should be cheaper, in fact, I wish we could actually pay our agency more. They have an incredible ministry in adoption and pregnancy services. But, I am saying that the deduction is a great way to promote adoption. It's truly the only reason we have been able to adopt back to back like we have.

I am scared to think that if this goes away, we could not afford to adopt again.

Becki pointed out something else. If you are not really fond of tax credits look at it this way, you are either funding these children through DHS because they are not being adopted domestically because no one can afford it, or your tax dollars are used to help fund adoptions. And it's actually cheaper to fund the credit than DHS. She's such a smart thinker!

So here's how you can help...

Check out the bill that is in the beginning stages!

post this button to your blog:

Write your US Representative

Write your US Senator

Thanks for your support, yet again!

And in case you are wondering where we've been...

We finalized on Sadie's adoption on Tuesday and were focused on getting our stuff together for court!

This week....

2009-05-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

This week - well if you have been blessed with children - this week is a fantastic week for you. You wake up every morning anticipating Sunday morning. When you will dawn your Sunday best, stroll into church with your children in their besties! You will stand when they ask the mother's to stand, and all the children will bring flowers, or sing a song for the mommies....But....

This week, someone is dreading this Sunday. They are dreading another year with no children. They are dreading heading to church, and are considering missing just this one sunday. This week, a birthmom is considering skipping church, because the thought of empty arms and no baby is just too much for her to stomach this year. But these people will probably go to church, hang their head when the moment comes and swallow back the tears that are all too familiar.

If this is you....know our prayers are with you. We have felt the pain of not being mothers or having empty arms. All three of us have been in that pew at one point in our lives. I know we are not there now, but we are familiar with the pain.

Today - we are asking for your thoughts....for healing for these women - the barren, the birth mom, the childless, those simply seeking adoption....e-mail us so we can post your thoughts to them. Or post them as a comment and we will repost them for mother's day....

And here's a little something for all of us as we have been in this place in our lives.

Wait

By Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .

And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

WHAT????

2009-05-04T19:28:00.001-05:00

Just a quick update - and another blog coming super soon...but check Facebook....1000!!!!! That isn't bad peeps!!! In less than a week, we picked up around 300 new members!!! Way to go...keep it up. I will resist the temptation to push 1500...that is for another day!

Dreams....

2009-05-01T12:53:00.004-05:00

We (the mommas) have a lot of dreams for POA. The legislation we have proposed is not the SOLE purpose of POA. The purpose of organizing POA is to do exactly that - Promote Oklahoma Adoption - by any and every means possible. So what does this mean? Well - here are some of our dreams....

1. Change laws to make adoptions easier on adoptive families and birth mothers.

2. Give a voice to adoptive families and birth families.

3. Raise money to assist those in adoption that could not afford to do so otherwise.

4. Help find services for birthmothers who have lost their way.

5. Have a venue/outlet for adoption issues - so that others might share their wisdom.

Those are just a few. If you are interested in "writing" a blog, being on our "adoption blog" list, posting your family and your story asking for prayers for your adoption journey and process - we don't care - just send us an e-mail and we will review your information and get back with you. We would love nothing more than to hear what you NEED, and what your dreams are for your family. Just reach out and let us know how we can help you.

Email is adoptok@gmail.com

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Props to those who joined the facebook cause. We ALMOST met the mark 921 at the last count! Way to go - don't give up!!! Lets get to 1000! (but then you know we will be bugging you to get to 1500)....

Thousand.....by Thursday

2009-04-27T20:30:00.005-05:00

There are probably a thousand things we could change about the adoption laws....seriously...from taxes, to relinquishments, children's rights, etc. But we will go one by one. Our goal is to Promote Oklahoma Adoptions. We will not just stop after the law is changed, we will probably have a new task. Ok - we WILL have a new task. So with that said, we have a TON of exciting news here are a few highlights.

1. Radio Show - 93.3 KKNG is going to be hosting US to talk about Promote Oklahoma Adoption and our law changes!!!! HOLY cow! So - we will be giving you a heads up - so that you can hear what we have to say.

2. Fox 25 News - We will hopefully have some exciting news this week about Fox 25 - in OKC!!!

3. Rep. Fred Jordan has requested a copy of "Coopers Law"....wanna drop him a line and let him know you support it???

Capitol Address:

2300 N. Lincoln Blvd.
Room 300-B
Oklahoma City, OK 73105
(405) 557-7331

email: fred.jordan@okhouse.gov

Tell Fred you would like to see him become involved.

4. And here is where we are getting the real 1000....On facebook, we have almost 800 members...so right now...get on facebook and invite the max of 60 people...right now, drop all you are doing...and lets hit 1000.....

Have a great week....but the goal....Thousand by Thursday - hit it peeps!!!!!

Summation.....

2009-04-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

sum⋅ma⋅tion [suh-mey-shuhn] :

a review or recapitulation of previously stated facts or statements, often with a final conclusion or conclusions drawn from them.

Apparently I had to take another look at that definition. Ever since we started this blog, we have had TONS of attention...traffic...publicity...and conversations. But what HAS become clear is that we have not clearly defined what the law we propose is trying to do....so this is a "summation". If you would like to read it yourself, please e-mail us and we will e-mail you "Coopers Law". Please beware, it is not a summation, it is total legal jargon and SIX pages long. But if you want it, by all means you got it. So here goes....

In Oklahoma, if you are a birthMOTHER you must go to court to relinquish your rights. You must stand in front of a judge and be questioned about your decision, your sexual relationship that led to this birth, the father, your relationship with him, wether or not you are making the right decision, etc. If you think this is exaggerating, I assure you, I am a lawyer, I have done relinquishments, and this DOES happen, every single time. It is necessary information, but humiliating none the less. However a birthFATHER can fill out a form and relinquish his rights, without going to court. SO - what we are proposing is only ADDING the option, that IF a birthmother wants to relinquish her rights and she CHOOSES to do it 48 hours after the birth of the child. She may do so, without going to court. If she would like to go to court, she may. It is HER CHOICE. It changes NOTHING about the way the law exists today....it only gives MORE options.

Another concern one gentlemen had is why only DHS and adoption agencies can do this. The short answer, they are licensed by the State as a child placing agencies. Attorneys, in general, are not licensed as child placing agencies. If they become licensed, then they would have the same ability. No harm - no foul.

Holy Moly!

2009-04-20T09:00:00.001-05:00

We've had an exciting week as we've seen some doors opening to get the word out about our purpose with this amendment!

But we still need your help!

I am not sure if any of you saw the article in The Oklahoman about the adoption task force, but it was excellent and my heart was seriously pounding after reading it. I know, I get WAY too excited about this stuff!

It's great to see politicians getting involved in adoption law and realizing how many lives adoption touches.

In the article, it stated that they are wanting to add an adoptive parent and a birth parent to the task force in the next year. So guess who contacted these guys? Yours truly!

Within a couple of hours, Rep. Jason Nelson emailed me back and thanked me for my interest. He said there were several people that had contacted them about this and that they would review the names submitted as a group. But, he did want to know more about this amendment that we were working on (of course I mentioned that!).

He asked me to email it to him and I also sent him the blog. I know, I am a dork!

So, here is what we need you to do...real stuff here guys!

Contact Rep. Jason Nelson and Senator Steve Russell and let them know that you support this amendment. If you click on each name it is linked to contact information and a bio for each. The contact information is on the right down a bit on the page.

When you contact them please make reference to the amendment so that they know exactly which one you are talking about. These guys have a ton on their plate! So what do you reference? Typically - laws have names. You have heard of "Megan's Law" or "The Adam Walsh Act". So the big reveal? We will call this, "Cooper's Law". So when you write them, let them know you support "Cooper's Law".

These men are two of those that serve on the adoption task force. Here is just a snipit of the article, "The task force is charged with considering recommendations for bills in the 2010 legistlative session."

Are you kidding me? How incredible is God that these names were put under my nose (by my precious MIL) just yesterday, and today I am sending him our "recommendations".

I am so thankful to all of you that are supporting this and I am also thankful to Mr. Nelson for responding so quickly and even showing interest in our concerns and wanting to take it before his committee!

Keep praying guys! And please contact these men as soon as you have a moment to contain yourselves from all of the excitement!

**If you want to read the amendment for yourself, please comment and give us your email (or email to us at adoptOK@gmail.com) and we will email it to you. It's 6 pages so that is why we haven't posted it!**

Support

2009-04-11T21:29:00.008-05:00

Sometimes you just need support....

I have been so impressed by you all. We have a lot of followers for a blog that is so new and we have 611 members of the "Promote Oklahoma Adoption Cause" on facebook. But guess what folks, it ain't enough. So what can I say to motivate you to hop on facebook and hit the limit of 60 invites to the cause today? What can I do to get you to pick up the phone and call ANYONE you know who is willing to write a story in ANY media outlet, call a friend who is a representative, call your adoption agency, or write an "article" for this blog? I sat here tonight - praise songs in the background trying to write something special, to get your attention....and then it came to me....Adoption, well it is biblical...

James 1:27 says, "religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Not everyone is called to adopt. Sometimes I think I should and sometimes I think it isn't what God wants for my family. But this I know, I am called to look after orphans. I do it in my job, I have adopted members in my family, and I am CALLED to do something. Today - what are you called to do? Want to adopt? Contact an Agency. Want to change the law? Send us an e-mail, we can give you assignments. Want to contribute? Donate money so someone who can't afford, has the finances to adopt. Want to love? Consider fostering. But my friends, you are called to do something. And on a weekend where we celebrate the fact that our Father gave everything so that we might be saved and adopted into his family, what will you do, so that a little one has hope.....hope of a family?

Things you can do today:

1. Follow the blog. (click on the tool to the right)

2. Join the cause on facebook and invite those to join.

3. Add the "Promote Ok Adoption" button to your blog.

4. Comment on this post.

5. Pray - and do what you feel called to do - and e-mail us with what it was.

6. If you know anyone in the house of representatives please contact them with this information and have them contact us at our email.

God has plans for us friends. And we are so eager to see what God does with this.

Oh this is good!

2009-04-02T06:09:00.000-05:00

A friend sent this to me and I thought it was great especially because of what we are trying to do with this blog!

Please take a moment to read this cool article! It's really short, I promise!

I hope it lights a fire under your fanny like it does mine!

Have a great day and please keep sharing this blog to help us gain support!

Remember, post button on your blog, comment, join the cause or invite those to join the cause on Facebook....and Promote Oklahoma Adoption!!!!!

The other perspective

2009-03-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

It's Molly again.

I know, I know...you can't wait to hear from Kim.

Me too! But, we're going to make you wait just a bit for the really good writing!

On my family blog I got a heart-wrenching comment from a birth mother when I wrote about our desires to change the law. It's consumed my mind ever since I read it.

I quickly deleted the comment because I could tell that I had not really communicated well about what we were wanting to do with the law. When this birth mother read it, it was as if we were trying to do something for adoptive parents and something that might coerce birth parents.

In fact, there has been some misunderstanding from agencies as well as other birth mothers. So, I've had to slow down and explain what we are actually doing in only adding to the birth mothers options, not taking anything away from the current law.

I was blessed to have had several "discussions" with this birth mother through email and we were able to share our hearts, our fears, our hurts, and our struggles from both sides. What I wouldn't give to be able to actually meet this incredible woman and thank her for her bravery to speak up for birth mothers everywhere.

So, I thought since I have learned so much from this mother...and that several of you may have never been through adoption, maybe you could learn from her as well.

Every birth parent's situation is very different as to why they are choosing placement. And just like all of us, they process and deal with pain, grief, and loss differently. There is no way that one option is going to work for every birth parent. That is why we feel like giving the option to relinquish in the hospital (or at an agency) would be beneficial to some birth mothers, maybe not all, but some.

This mother, and other birthmothers we have spoken to, agreed that court is devastating and said she thinks there are birth mothers who do back out because of it. She said the only way she survived it was because of the support of the adoptive parents at that time. She knew it was in the interest of the child, and it was not about her at that moment.

This birth mother pointed out to me that there can be a lot of unspoken (and spoken) pressure on the birth parents by some agencies or attorneys. There are actually more agencies and attorneys out there than we would like to believe that see adoption as money and as a transaction. Her fear (and now mine) is that some might use this new law to coerce women into placing their baby, "sign now or it's too late" kind of thing. She has heard of situations in which adoptive parents were hovering until the birth mother signed.

In talking with some agencies, they have the same concern...that this law change might actually end up allowing more of these tragedies to occur. This my dear friends is why our state has hesitated to change the law. How do we protect both the birth parents from being pushed into something they are unsure about and at the same time protect adoptive families from losing children we'd been picked for? One thing that we have written in the law is that this relinquishment in the hospital can only be done by a licensed agency or DHS. There is no way an attorney can have this done in the hospital or any place other than Court. We feel this is the best way we can deal with this particular issue.

This task is bigger than I imagined. As much as I am wondering what God has in store for this "project" and if the law should actually be changed, my heart can't help but wonder if it's right to not change the law because of some bullies out there?

Please pray for clarity in this and at the same time pray for birth parents to be led to agencies and attorneys that will truly show them love, mercy and grace. Placing a child for adoption is more painful than we could ever imagine and it requires much counseling and support to survive it. Because of my faith I want nothing more for these girls than to be shown the love of Christ, but not all (even Christian) agencies take on that mission.

This picture is of Cooper and his birthmom before she had been to court. You guys, I can't tell you the emotions this picture holds. It captures so well the struggle of a mother loving and grieving her child because she is choosing something more for him, she's choosing him over herself. The best part is...she agrees the law needs to be changed and that it would make it easier on most birth mothers. Have I told you how amazing this woman is?

Please pray with me over this law. Please pray with me for our agencies and attorneys so that we can continue to use adoption to glorify God and make the best out of an unplanned pregnancy. Pray that those agencies and attorneys that are not being honest, fair, and respectful will be reported, closed down and penalized.

Part of me fears writing all of this because it might scare some of you off. My dream is that in sifting through all of this together that more families open their homes and hearts to adoption. Adoption is biblical. What this birth mother pointed out to me is that all too often it looks nothing like what God had planned for it to be. It seems too often we hear the horror stories and get our focus off. We put our walls up and harden our hearts instead of trying to understand the "other side" and serve each other. We let fear drive us instead of God.

My heart has been burdened once again to simply pray about this and I beg you to do the same!

In Christ,

Molly

Edumucation....and To Do's....

2009-03-19T11:00:00.010-05:00

We have had a lot of great feedback. So I want to give you a few "homework" assignments because people keep asking how they can help us.

First, we would like you to "edumucate" yourself on the current law. Click HERE to read what the current law is in Oklahoma with regard to relinquishment of parental rights. Just educate yourself, and please know this, we are NOT suggesting that we get rid of any portion of this law. We are proposing ADDING to it to give both birth mothers and adoptive families alternatives to the way it has "always" been done. So please, take time to read and understand.

Second, please take our new "button" on the upper right hand side of the blog and put it on your blog or website. If you have "install" questions on how to install it, email us and we will be glad to provide that info for you!

Third, become a "follower" of the blog. On the right hand side of the page, all you have to do is "sign in" and become a follower. We need to be able to show the legislature that we have a huge following of people supporting the change in the law. So "follow" and e-mail out our new fancy shmancy blog to everyone you know. They don't have to be adoptive families.

Fourth, join our cause on facebook. It is called, Promote Oklahoma Adoption. If you need us to request you join, just send a friend request to Molly Shockley and she will send you one right back.

Fifth, leave a comment. Even if it just says....Rock on with your socks on! If you don't have an account, click Anonymous....

All homework is do on Monday! Get to it kids, put your money (aka blogs) where your mouth is and show this new thing off....

Also - a big THANKS to Murphy Resources and The Francy Law Firm for sponsoring our new bloggie page!!!!!

It's Molly!

2009-03-15T22:20:00.001-05:00

If only you could hear the excitement in my voice when I said that! I am way too excited about this stuff.

I am momma #2 to introduce myself! I am Molly Shockley, mother to 3, Owen, Cooper and Sadie through the miracle of adoption.

I have been touched by adoption throughout my life and a little over 4 years ago walked into the blessing of adoption myself with my best friend and hubby, Blake. I could talk your ear off (and to many of you I have) about how adoption has changed my life. I don't see the world the same way. I have a passion for this process and how it changes and touches so many people.

But just like any journey, adoption can bring much heartache. Some of this I have experienced first hand, and some I have watched dear friends go through.

Let me tell you a little about how this change in the current law would have helped in our situations. In our second adoption, the birth mother changed her mind a couple days before court. We had our son in our home for almost 2 weeks. I understand completely why she changed her mind. I think it's incredibly hard to make the decision to place a child for adoption. Heart-wrenching might explain that best. But, in her grief of losing him and the unimaginable pain it caused, she changed her mind. Let me tell you....when we got that call that she had changed her mind...we seriously considered running with our sweet son but decided that being fugitives might keep us from ever being able to adopt again!

I don't want to share our son's whole story just to protect him and his birth mother, who we love and admire dearly. So, I will just tell you the fabulous ending is that we HAVE HIM in our home. We only lost him for 2 days. It was the longest and hardest 2 days of our life. We would have done anything to have been able to have rights relinquished in the hospital.

With our 3rd adoption, Mommy G repeatedly asked me to pray for her and her court date. She was terrified of being in front of a judge and having to answer such difficult questions. I would be too. She had never stepped foot in a court room, much less by herself and then to be questioned about her heroic decision to place her child for adoption. I almost think it might deter some women just knowing they have to do this. I know Mommy G would have opted to sign papers in the hospital and not have to go through that anxiety.

I often get sad that people steer clear of adoption because of fear, the unknown and the vulnerability it involves. The bottom line is that our Savior never promised us a life without pain, a life that was easy or that we would always be in control. We do things everyday that have much worse statistics than adoption. For example, marriage. One in every two marriages fail and I rarely hear people say things like, "Well, I just couldn't stand the thought of divorce so I won't even open my heart to marriage." I hear that about adoption almost daily.

So, this blog is going to be used to ENCOURAGE adoption. We want to find ways to help others trust God in his plan for their family and do it with excitement instead of a heart of fear. We want to focus on God and seeking Him first and foremost rather than focusing on the statistics of what might happen. As Stephen Curtis Chapman brought to my attention last year...If 7% of Christians did something for adoption, orphans and foster care....there would be no such thing as a child without a family. Only 7% people! And that just means help, be it financially, adopting, serving or fostering...just 7%!

Can Anybody Hear Me?

2009-03-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

Well, originally I dreamed of a major blogfest GRAND OPENING of the blog. Then I decided....why not grow with us? To start off, my name is Becki. I am Mom #1 of the three Moms. We will each reveal ourselves and our stories. But if you would like to cheat, go here. If you cheat and read my story, you will see that my children are biological. I do not have any adopted children, but I do have some sweet pumpkins in my family that are, but that is their story. And I will let them tell you about it. But my life has been blessed too many times to count by adoption. My best friend from highschool placed a baby for adoption, a sibling has adopted, and at one point, my husband and I were in the process.

So why am I involved? Because I am an attorney/aunt/friend who has been touched and cursed by the adoption process in Oklahoma. And I am going to be darned if I can't change it. So I am going to try. And you my friends are going to help. I have written a law that I hope to get the support of an Oklahoma Legislator, and see if he will present the bill in November session. (at least I think that is when it is, I am learning) - Anyway - please post this blog on your blog, follow the blog and if you can, do the things we ask. We will be asking you to do things like write your legislator, e-mail the governor, talk to your agency for support, and post our posts on your blog to get the word out. I promise, it sounds hard, but we will make it easy for you, we will even provide the links for you to directly find your specific legislator. This needs to touch everyone in Oklahoma who cares about the adoption process.....pass it on...so like I said, CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME???? Please comment!

Oh yeah, sneak peek at the legislation? All I will say is that we are trying to get Oklahoma to do what EVERY surrounding state does.....relinquish in the hospital....come back for more!