The agency works as an advocate for both the adoptive family and birth parent wanting to choose placement for their child. The agency counsels both the birth parents and adoptive parents before the actual adoption takes place. Most agencies have some sort of training and also an application process.
The cost for using an agency in Oklahoma can be anywhere from $3,500-$25,000. Usually this amount is paid over the course of the adoption with a large amount paid after placement. They are so smart waiting until you have your sweet something in your arms to then ask for the big bucks! And can I tell you, IT'S SO WORTH IT! I have never been more excited to write such a big check...but you've got your bundle of love in your arms and you've experienced one of God's most amazing miracles of adoption! Well talk more about cost later...
The hardest part to starting this process is to choose your agency. A good place to start is the website for the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition linked on the right of our blog. They have a list of placing agencies. I would encourage you to ask around and talk to friends who have adopted that could give you advice. When you are looking online, you can generally tell if the agency has the same agenda as you. Are they a Christian agency or do they share the same beliefs? What do they offer birth parents as far as counseling and support? Is the counseling free? If so, for how long? I got frustrated because one agency said they do offer counseling but it was half price for the birth parent. Another agency said they offer free counseling, but when I asked for how long it was only until 2 months after placement. What? This is something that birth mothers will deal with off and on for years...2 months is an insult (but I guess it's better than half price?)! Make sure that your agency has a good handle on respect of birth parents and that there is no coercing going on to place the child. The agency should never bring up adoption unless the parent is seeking placement or information on placement.
When you are researching agencies think about your new child and family. What are you going to need as far as support in 5-10 years. Does this agency provide any kind of post-adoption care for the family and child? Do they have get togethers, seminars, support groups, classes, camps?
It's so easy when starting this process to focus on placement and feeling the need for it to happen as quickly, care free and cheap as possible... Remember there is a reason that adoption costs money, the agency does a lot of terribly hard work and they need to be paid just like any other hard working individual. The cost in adoption falls on those that can pay and that have resources...the adoptive family. So if you need to think about it this way, keep your focus that you are helping your child's birth parent survive this. This is the most painful thing that a person will go through in their life, choosing placement for their child. It takes a lot of support to survive it.
There can be grants available for funding if that is a problem. Some agencies have those grants available for "hard to place" babies (African American, exposures to drugs, alcohol, etc). Some agencies allow for donations to be made for a specific adopting couple that are tax deductible. Check with your church. Several churches are starting adoption ministries that will help grant money to pay for adoptions. Most any couple you talk to about how they afford adoption will tell you that God made it happen. There are miracles left and right about how God works it out! Take a leap of faith!
Generally speaking, domestic adoption in Oklahoma can be rather quick. Wait time from "ready" to placement can be two weeks to two years. This usually depends on what specifics you have placed on the child you are open to (race, exposures, open/closed adoption, etc.). Most agencies allow for the birth parent to pick the adoptive family. There usually is no "match" like in international adoption.
Most agencies encourage some degree of open adoption. This could be anything from pictures and updates twice a year to visits, phone calls, emails on a monthly basis. Most of the time agencies still encourage some confidentiality, so there aren't visits at homes or baby sitting and such. People always ask me that, so that is why I addressed what "open" can mean! Having an open adoption is not legally binding. The adoption is still complete/final, but there is a written agreement of contact between the birth parent and adoptive parent. Most of the time this agreement fluctuates as the relationship grows and changes. The adoptive parent and the birth parent can choose what they want their adoption to look like as far as openness. I will have to devote a whole post to open adoption...I could go on and on here!
After a child is placed in your home, the birth parent sets a court date to relinquish rights. After this is complete the child is really in legal custody of the agency and the family is more like foster care. For the next 6 months you have home studies, interviews and check ups to make sure the child is safe and thriving in the new family. Once this period has lapsed the agency releases you to legally adopt the child. Now you take your attorney and get a court date set for finalization! The only hard waiting time is from leaving the hospital with your baby to the court date for the birth parents rights. Once this has been completed, you can rest easy praying that you can pass the interviews! Ha!
Hope this has been helpful. Please post any questions or comments so that we can address anything that I have missed!
13 comments:
Fabulous post!
Typically what are most birth parents looking for in an adoptive family? How big is too big in a family? Did you adopt all your children through a private agency? I'm curious how the process compares to international adoption (Is there so much paperwork??!!) Sorry, lots of questions, you don't have to answer all of them!
Charissa, thanks for the questions. There are so many things that I could say, just didn't know where to stop! Yes, we adopted all 3 through a private agency. Our agency director was telling me this year about a family that came to them to adopt and they already had 13. From there they just had to pass the homestudy to make sure their house could fit more. They don't let you have more than 2 kids per room. Most birth parents just know when they find "their family". It's amazing really how God matches us up and what the birth parents see in the profile book that makes them fall in love with a certain family. Some of them want their child to be the first child, some want them to have older siblings, some like that there are pets, or like your lifestyle (country, city, etc). You make a profile book that has pictures telling about your family...this is what the birth parent looks at to decide and choose.
The process in comparison is not as lengthy, not only in time it takes internationally, but also in paperwork. I get frustrated when people complain about domestic paperwork because in comparison to international its a piece of cake. And usually you hardly have to travel. Our first two were born within 10 minutes of where we lived. Our daughter was born 30 min south of us. So the travel expense is just not there! Please don't take this as me bashing international...just stating the differences that I have seen when our friends adopted from China.
Hope this helps and let me know if anything else crosses your mind!
Did you specifically request African American children or were you just lucky that way? :)
It's hard to narrow down a country, agency, child, knowing there are SO many out there who need families! Thanks for your blog and your heart for children. You are an inspiration to me!
We were actually open to anything with Owen, but just got lucky. Then once we had Owen, we narrowed our requests down a bit more and with Sadie we pretty much just requested AA. I love that they have each other to navigate through life with. I love that Blake and I are now the minority in the house! It's my dream come true!
Yes, I agree that it's overwhelming when you are starting, but I also think that God closes doors and opens others. We saw it so vividly when we started. We were actually signed up for an agency seminar in Tulsa for international adoption. But we saw God close doors and lead us in a different direction and within 9 months we had our little Owen!
Thanks Molly. It's all just really scary and SOOOOO many options/doors right now. I don't really know where to begin.
Your posts were very encouraging. We have adopted twice through DHS. We are wanting one more girl, preferably an African American/Asian toddler, but aren't wanting to deal with the DHS wait. I've heard horror stories about private adoption and have been very hesistant. Not sure where to start.
It's so sad to hear that there is so much negative attention surrounding adoption in general. I hear horror stories about every piece of it, so we really want this blog to focus on the great things that God is doing with adoption.
There is no way to have a child, biologically or through adoption, that doesn't have some risks or some scares. For some reason though, when you carry a child and something bad happens, it's natural??? But when it happens in adoption, it's unthinkable and we all want to avoid it. How in the world that make sense I don't know, but it happens.
Anonymous, please let me know if you have any specific questions about private adoption and I will do my best to answer it or find you an answer. If you are open to adoption again, and you are open to a toddler I pray that you will continue to seek where God is pulling your heart.
I love your blog! We adopted are beautiful daughter at birth (she is 5 now) thru the state of Oklahoma. We went thru an agency there. We really have a special place in our hearts for this state and hope that laws can be changed to help all involved.
Thank you so much for taking the time to create this blog! What a blessing! I have a question...i heard that if I adopt through OKDHS that I won't have any cost other than for physicals...yet so many people pay so much money for an agency...can you to me the pros and cons of adopting with or without an agency? Thank you so much for your help!
J :)
I get frustrated when people complain about domestic paperwork because in comparison to international its a piece of cake. And usually you hardly have to travel.
It's amazing really how God matches us up and what the birth parents see in the profile book that makes them fall in love with a certain family. Some of them want their child to be the first child, some want them to have older siblings, some like that there are pets, or like your lifestyle
Anonymous -- we adopted through OKDHS and we had no costs outside of our physical. The state paid our attorney (who was FABULOUS) and the adoption portion of our process was smooth and easy. But, we'd been foster parents to the child for several months before legal freedom and THAT part of the process (for us) was so brutal that we'd likely not go that route again.
Another thing about going through OKDHS -- the children have often been removed from the home because of abuse and neglect, and not because someone made a loving and selfless decision on their behalf. The adoption was closed, and while we've always been honest about the fact our child is adopted, we've not been very frank about the circumstances that led to availability. Now we're reaching the age where the hard questions are being asked and we don't know how honest to be (little minds can still only handle so much). For safety's sake, relationships cannot be formed. I once thought I'd never be able to handle open adoption, but now I think it's far more favorable...
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