Monday, December 21, 2009


Here are some words that you might hear during the adoption process, and what they mean. These are not "Blacks Law" or "Wikepedia" definitions. This is the layman version of the words!

Agency - Generally the word that refers to the Adoption Agency.

Alleged Father - someone a mother has alleged to be the father of a child, but no court has made a legal finding that he is the father.

AWOC - (Adoption Without Consent) - when a guardian or foster parent moves the court to terminate another parents rights and grant an adoption without the consent of the parent. Can also be a step parent adoption.

Birth Mother - The bioligical mother of the adopted child.

Cost Affidavit - The document you are required to fill out by law that states all the monies you have spent during the process of adoption.

Custodian - The person who has "legal" custody of the child until the adoption is finalized, generally this is DHS or an agency.

D.H.S. - Department of Human Services (in oklahoma referred to as OKDHS)

Domestication - When you have adopted someone in another country, you will want to have your adoption "Domesticated" in the United States.

Domestic Adoption - Adopting a child within the United States.

Finalization - After the parents rights are terminated, the court will move onto the "finalization" of the adoption. Most agencies will not allow finalization to occur until after the child has been in a home for 6 months and has shown to be safe and thriving.

Foster Care - When a child has been removed from a home by the department of human services and the parents are working on getting custody back - the child is placed in a home and this is referred to as Foster Care. (Kinship Foster Care - means a person with a prior relationship with the child - not necessarily a biological relative)

Homestudy - A Social worker comes to your home and does a series of checks on the home and the status of the child and the families bonding with the child. Items included in homestudies are: family members, income, housing information, savings, background checks, DHS history (if any), bonding with the child and the childs current information and medical history.

Lifebook - A book the prospective adoptive family makes for birthparents to review when choosing an adoptive family. This is also called a profile book.

OAC - Oklahoma Adoption Coalition

Probate - This is the court that oversee's adoptions. Generally referred to as the Probate Docket.

Public Defender - Attorney generally appointed in cases where a parent is contesting the adoption. (also known as a conflict attorney).

Transracial Adoption - Adoption by parents who are not the same race as the child/children.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Choosing a Lawyer....

Okay - when we went to the Adoption Task Force Meeting a couple weeks ago, one thing became entirely clear. Some attorneys take advantage of clients. From overcharging, to charging the client to LEARN what the law is, to coercing birth mothers to place a child from adoption etc. It was heartbreaking to hear of story after story where these things had happened. So here are some tips on finding a lawyer.

Where to start:

1. Ask other friends who have adopted who they have used and if they were satisfied.

2. Ask your agency who they recommend.

3. Call the local Bar Association and see who they recommend for Adoptions.

4. Interview multiple attorneys.

What to ask:

1. Will you have an employment contract? An ethical attorney will have a contract that lays out what you have hired them for, what the rate is, how you will be billed, what the retainer is, how you will be charged, etc.

2. How much do they anticipate it will cost? Some lawyers will agree to a flat rate, and some lawyers will want to be paid hourly. Both have their benefits. A flat rate, MIGHT cost you more, but you will know from day one what your costs will be. Hourly MIGHT be cheaper if the adoption moves smoothly. But if not, it would end up costing you. Never be afraid to ask for a discount or a lesser charge.

3. What types of payment do they take? cash, check, credit card or payment plan?

3. How many adoptions have they done? Where have they done them (what counties)?

4. Three references. Most attorneys WILL provide references. I know that sounds weird. But attorney's can give you client comments or references.

When to decide:

1. You want to have your attorney lined up quickly. You don't want wait until the child is born, especially if you have to hire an attorney to preform ALL parts of an adoption (relinquishment of rights and finalization) as opposed to just the finalization. Therefore, the attorney ideally will meet with the birth mother prior to the child's birth. In addition, any bargaining can be done PRIOR to the birth. Once the baby is born, there is NO time to shop.

2. You want to decide quickly because most GOOD attorneys will require a retainer. And depending on what you need done, it will be quite a bit of money. You will want to know up front.

Creative Ideas:

Adoption costs can be high. When it is time, if costs are tight, try calling a large law firm and see if someone can do an adoption pro bono. Ask lawyers for a payment plan. Call legal aid and see if they can help. But remember, you must do these things in advance, they take time. Molly said there might even be some grants to ease the financial burden. Also, MANY employers will help with adoption cost. Check with your workplace and your spouse's to see what needs to be done to apply for this.

Most of all...know your rights. Know that even if you are with an agency, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE YOUR ATTORNEY. Most agencies will recommend lawyers, but remember when it comes down to it. It is your choice. And because it is our choice, we have to make sure that we are protecting our family, our child and their birth family.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Prayers Please

I am not sure that I have shared on the POA blog that the Adoption Review Task Force has asked Mandy and I to come and speak TOMORROW!

That's right! We need your prayers Thursday, October 15th @ 1:30!

We are one of 3 families sharing concerns for Oklahoma adoption law.

What an honor to be able to discuss this with such a great group of professionals!

What an honor to be able to stand united with Mandy tomorrow.

Please pray for God to speak through us and for our hearts to have peace.

Thank you for all of your support! We'll be sure to update on how it goes!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Adoption/Foster Care Information!!!

I had to post about this because it's a wonderful event packed full of information.

Coming up next month there is a FREE symposium about adoption and foster care.

If you've ever been interested in either of these and need a place to get questions answered and meet professionals in this field... THIS IS THE EVENT!

I can't tell you how many times that people ask us questions because it's obvious we've adopted.

Then follows... "I've always wanted to adopt, BUT...

...I can't afford it."
...I don't know where to start."
...the information is overwhelming!"

So, if you've said that to me or if you've thought that please go to this event.

This group is committed to getting information into your hands and helping families make their dreams a reality!!!

Have a great day!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Cooper's Law- update

I got a call Friday afternoon at 2:30 from Representative Nelson's office asking if there were anyway I could meet with him @ 4 to discuss Cooper's Law!

I jumped at the opportunity and praised God for His timing! I had just come home from dropping the kids off at Blake's parents house for the night! I had the afternoon to myself and had no time to get anxious about this!!! (Well, okay I got anxious wondering why God was having me talk about laws? I am so not qualified.)

Thank you for all of you that prayed for me. Bad news first: I completely pitted out my shirt because I was so nervous! I tried to capture a picture of it because it was quite hilarious, but it just didn't do it justice. Good news: I didn't throw up and...


Praise God for getting this into the right hands. We sat and discussed what some concerns might be and how we should handle that. We discussed why this needed to be changed and what other states already had laws very similar to this. It was such a wonderful meeting and he was so open to my concerns, and he felt this deep need to protect birth mothers. How great is that??? He gets it, from all angles.

He talked about how in trying to protect the adoption process, with this law how it currently stands, we've actually made it harder for birth mothers to place.

He wants to meet our precious Mandy and hear her heart on this law... How incredible is that?

Keep praying for this to move forward. As much as he supports it, he understands there will be opposition. He does not see this "moving to session" or moving this session??? (See I shouldn't be talking about this.) Essentially, this won't happen quickly because he felt like it was a big deal, but he said this law NEEDS TO CHANGE. It cannot stand how it currently does. Praise God!!!

Thank you all for all of your support! We really and truly are amazed at how this has happened. How in the world did we get blessed enough to get this into the man's hands that is currently looking to reform Oklahoma Adoption Laws??? Only by the grace of God. Please keep praying that this law only moves forward if it is right and protects everyone involved to the best of it's ability. Pray that just as they have, doors will open and shut according to God's will. As an incredible woman told me yesterday, God is the author of adoption and He cares about this.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


We have an awesome girl from my church, Raylea Whiteman, who is donating a "Piggies and Paws" to our cause. So we thought the best giveaway would be to a Birthmom. Nothing more beautiful than a permanent piece of art work with her baby's feet and hand prints. If you have ever seen these they are so stinking adorable. Take a little time to view the link above to see how cute these are!

Anywho - here is the give away. Leave a comment about your birthmom, and on September 8th, 2009 we will take all the comments put them in a hat and draw!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's go time!

If you live in Oklahoma, or know someone that does...I need your help! I am begging you!

Most of you know that for months now we've been working to draw attention to some adoption laws that we believe need attention.

In this mission, I have found an incredible team of professionals that come together monthly to address such needs in the adoption community. I have attended the last two adoption task force meetings and I am continued to be amazed at what all these people are doing. It is such a privilege to just be able to hear what they are doing and watch it all happen right before my eyes. There are judges, DHS representatives, adoption agencies, a public defender and now a birth mother, an adoptive mother and an adult adoptee.

At this last meeting Representative Jason Nelson shared that he has received a lot of requests for issues to be addressed by the task force. I am hoping that some of these requests were about Cooper's Law, but I know that there are lots of adoptive families out there that feel the need to have their concerns addressed! Then he asked the task force if they would be okay asking some families to share with the group their story and why they needed the task force to consider their concerns!!! I was sitting in the back of the room and almost fell out of my chair. How cool would it be for Cooper's Law and Cooper's story to be shared with so many that feel just as passionate about this as I do???

So, I am begging you. If you haven't written Representative Jason Nelson or Senator Steve Russell yet, please do! If you have and you could do so again, PLEASE DO! From what I understand this task force has a lot of weight on what issues in adoption will actually be addressed or changed! If anyone will hear me out, it will be this group. If you do write him please make reference to Cooper's Law. If you know of a personal adoption story in which you think relinquishment in the hospital could have kept an adoption in place that ended up falling through, please share that in your letter or email. Remember that our intent with this change is to protect the child and the birth parent's choice. Our goal here is that birth mothers who want to sign papers in the hospital (or at their agency) can do so without having to sit before a judge.

You can share my name if you want, but you don't have to. I am going to write them again today (for the 4th time). Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have become "one of those people"! But, I will never forget those weeks as we were losing Cooper and feeling so helpless. There was nothing we could do to keep him. I think that feeling is fueling me. In the midst of that journey I felt like it was just a part of adoption and something that had to be risked, but now I know better. Many states are doing this differently and there is no reason why we should continue in something that is not working. And because of that, I feel like I have to at least try to do something. Another incredible thing is that Cooper's birthmom supports this 100% and only wishes this had been in place long ago.
These 3 were some of those that were taken the day we lost Cooper. We were saying good-bye to our sweet baby boy.

On another note, many of you have asked if I had heard if I had been chosen to be on the task force. I found out yesterday that I did not. I joked about not being qualified, and boy was I right! The mom they chose is a wonderful pick as she wrote the bill that in its approval put into affect the adoption task force...she deserves to be on it!

Let's get busy writing some letters/emails! If you click on the representative or senators names it is linked to their info. If you can only write one, please address Rep. Jason Nelson as he was the one addressing the task force with this idea! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Transracial Parenting Workshop

I had to share this!
Our agency did a workshop in February and it was incredible. I blogged about it here and we had a wonderful discussion about race and issues that surface in transracial adoption.

So they are hosting another workshop and I am so excited. There will be a transracial adoptee/parent panel! What a wonderful resource for questions!

This is open to any couple that has adopted transracially. It does not matter if it was through another agency or anything. This is how our transracial playgroup got started!

Date: 9.12.09
Time: 9:30am -12:30pm
Location: DPAS offices, Brixton Square 7101 NW Expressway, Ste 325, OKC

Please RSVP to Catherine Howe and prepay by 9.7.09
Here is a link to their site or call 405.949.4200

It is $20 per couple. Brunch snacks provided and children under 6 months are welcome.

Hope to see you there!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Cooper's's long!!!!

Section 7503 – 2.3 Permanent Relinquishment
A. A permanent relinquishment may be executed by a person whose consent to the adoption of a minor is required by Section 7503-2.1 of this title. The permanent relinquishment shall be in writing and shall relinquish all of that individual's rights with respect to the minor, including legal and physical custody and the right to consent to the minor's adoption.
B. Permanent relinquishments may be made only to:
1. The Department of Human Services;
2. A child-placing agency; or
3. Any other person, with the written consent of the Department or court.
C. A permanent relinquishment shall be either:
1. In writing, executed before a judge of the district court in this state, recorded by a court reporter and contain:
a. The date, place, and time of the execution of the permanent relinquishment;
b. The name and date of birth of the person executing the permanent relinquishment;
c. The current mailing address, telephone number and social security number of the person executing the permanent relinquishment;
d. Instructions that the permanent relinquishment is irrevocable, except upon the specific grounds specified in Section 7503-2.7 of this title, upon which the permanent relinquishment can be revoked and the manner in which a motion to set aside the permanent relinquishment must be filed; and
e. The name of the person or agency as described in subsection B of this section to whom the permanent relinquishment is being given and who shall have the right to give consent to the minor's adoption, OR
2. Signed after the birth of the child, but not before 48 hours after the birth of the child, by the parent, whether or not a minor, whose parental rights are to be relinquished; witnessed by two credible persons; and verified before a person authorized to take oaths
(A) The affidavit must contain:
1. The name, county of residence, and age of the parent whose parental rights are being relinquished;
2. The name, age and birth date of the child;
3. The names and addresses of the guardians of the person and estate of the child, if any:
4. A statement that the affiant is or is not presently obligated by court order to make payment for the support of the child;
5. A full description and statement of value of all property owned or possessed by the child;
6. An allegation that termination of the parent-child relationship is in the best interest of the child;
7. One of the following, as applicable:
(a)The name and county of residence of the other parent;
(b) A statement that the parental rights of the other parent have been terminated by death or court order, or
(c) A statement that the child has no presumed father
8. A statement that the parent has been informed of parental rights and duties;
9. A statement that the relinquishment is revocable, that the relinquishment is irrevocable, or that the relinquishment is irrevocable for a stated period of time;
10. If the relinquishment is revocable, a statement in boldfaced type concerning the right of the parent signing the affidavit to revoke the relinquishment only if the revocation is made before the 11th day after the date the affidavit is executed;
11. If the relinquishment is revocable, the name and address of a person to whom the revocation is to be delivered; and
12. The designation of a prospective adoption parent, the Department of Human Services, if the department has consented in writing to the designation, or a licensed child-placing agency to serve as managing conservator of the child and the address of the person or agency.
(B) The Affidavit may contain:
(1) A waiver of process in a suit to terminate the parent-child relationship filed under this chapter or in a suit to terminate joined with a petition for adoption; and
(2) A consent to the placement of the child for adoption by the Department of Human Services or by a licensed child-placing agency.
(C) A copy of the affidavit shall be provided to the parent at the time that the parent signs the affidavit.
(D) The relinquishment in an affidavit that designates the Department of Human Services or a licensed child-placing agency to serve as the managing conservator is irrevocable. A relinquishment in any other affidavit of relinquishment is revocable unless it expressly provides that it is irrevocable for a stated period of time not to exceed sixty days after the date of it’s execution.
(E) A relinquishment in an affidavit of relinquishment of parental rights that fails to state that the relinquishment is irrevocable, is revocable for a period of 72 hours.
(F) To revoke a relinquishment under subsection (e) the parent must sign a statement witnessed by two credible persons and verified before a person authorized to take oaths. A copy of the revocation shall be delivered to the person designated in the affidavit. If a parent attempting to revoke a relinquishment under this subsection has knowledge that a suit for termination of the parent-child relationship has been filed based on the parent’s affidavit of relinquishment of parental rights, the parent shall file a copy of the revocation with the clerk of the court.
(G) The affidavit may not contain terms for limited post-termination contact between the child and the parent whose parental rights are to be relinquished as a condition of the relinquishment of parental rights.
D. Any permanent relinquishment must state:
1. That the person executing the document is voluntarily and unequivocally consenting to the adoption of the minor;
2. An understanding that after the permanent relinquishment is executed, it is final and, except for fraud or duress, may not be revoked or set aside for any reason except as otherwise authorized by the Oklahoma Adoption Code;
3. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment is represented by counsel or has waived any right to counsel;
4. That the execution of the permanent relinquishment does not terminate any duty of the person executing the permanent relinquishment to support the mother or the minor until the adoption is completed;
5. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment has not received or been promised any money or anything of value for the permanent relinquishment, except for payments authorized by law;
6. Whether the individual executing the permanent relinquishment is a member of an Indian tribe and whether the minor is eligible for membership or the minor is a member of an Indian tribe;
7. That the person believes the adoption of the minor is in the minor's best interest; and
8. That the person executing the permanent relinquishment has been advised that an adult adopted person born in Oklahoma, whose decree of adoption is finalized after November 1, 1997, may obtain a copy of such person's original certificate of birth unless affidavits of nondisclosure have been filed pursuant to Section 7503-2.5 of this title and that the relinquishing parent may sign an affidavit of nondisclosure.
E. When it appears to the court that the parent or guardian executing a permanent relinquishment or affidavit desires counsel but is indigent and cannot for that reason employ counsel, the court shall appoint counsel shall be appointed or provided. In all counties having county indigent defenders, the county indigent defenders shall assume the duties of representation in such proceedings.
F. The transcript of the court proceedings or affidavit pursuant to this section shall be placed in the court record.
G. The verification of the court shall be in substantially the following form:
I, ____________________, Judge of the District Court in and for _________________ County, State of Oklahoma, a Court having original adoption jurisdiction, do hereby certify, that upon this day, ________________ personally appeared in open Court, before me, and orally and in writing executed the above and foregoing permanent relinquishment for adoption.
In executing this acknowledgment, I further certify that the said ___________________ acknowledged that the person executed said relinquishment to adoption freely and voluntarily, and that it was explained to such person by or before me, the undersigned Judge of the District Court, that in executing the relinquishment, the person was surrendering all parental authority whatsoever over the minor; and that with such explanation made to the person relinquishing the minor by or before me, the undersigned Judge of the District Court, the person executed the relinquishment, freely, voluntarily and intelligently for all uses and purposes therein set forth.
I further certify that it was explained to the relinquishing person that this relinquishment is irrevocable and final except for fraud or duress and may not be revoked or set aside except and unless no Petition to Adopt is filed within nine (9) months after placement of the minor or if this or some other court decides not to terminate the rights of the other parent of the minor. I further certify that I am satisfied that the relinquishing person understands the consequences of an adoption; the relinquishing person has represented that such person has not received or been promised any money or anything of value for the giving of the permanent relinquishment except for those payments authorized by law; the relinquishing person has represented that such person is not under the influence of alcohol or medication or any other substance that affects the person's competence; the person fully understood the English language and communicated in the English language at all times during said hearing, or all information was translated into the relinquishing person's language, and was fully understood by the person; and if the relinquishing person was the biological parent, such parent was advised regarding the affidavit of nondisclosure.
H. A permanent relinquishment shall be signed before any judge of a court having probate or adoption jurisdiction in this state or in the state of residence of the person executing the permanent relinquishment, unless relinquishment is done by affidavit pursuant to (C)(2) of this section.
I. 1. a. If an individual permanently relinquishing the child resides in a country or place other than the United States of America, other than a member of the United States Armed Services stationed abroad, the permanent relinquishment of the individual may be obtained by a written instrument signed by such person and acknowledged before an officer of the legal subdivision of the government of the place of such person's residence who is authorized to administer oaths under the laws of such country or place.
b. If the foreign country's government does not involve itself in adoption matters, the permanent relinquishment may be executed before an officer of the Judge Advocate General's Office of the United States Armed Services or before an officer of the United States Embassy located in that country, provided the execution of a permanent relinquishment is not a violation of the laws of the foreign country, or a violation of international law or treaty between the foreign country's government and the United States. The permanent relinquishment shall reflect that the permanent relinquishment is not given or accepted in violation of the laws of the foreign country or in violation of international law or treaty between such foreign country's government and the United States.
2. If an individual permanently relinquishing the child is a member of the United States Armed Services stationed in a country or place other than the United States, the individual's permanent relinquishment may be acknowledged before an officer of the Judge Advocate General's Office or other legal officer possessing the authority to administer oaths.
J. If the written instrument containing a permanent relinquishment is written in a language other than the English language, the petitioner must have it translated into the English language by a person qualified to do so, and must file the original instrument together with the translation with the court. The translation must be sworn to as being a true and correct translation by the person translating the document.
K. Except as otherwise required by subsection I of this section, when the person permanently relinquishing the child for the purposes of adoption resides outside of Oklahoma, the permanent relinquishment by such person may be executed in that state or country in the manner set forth in the Oklahoma Adoption Code or in the manner prescribed by the laws of the state or country of such person's residence.
L. 1. A court before which a permanent relinquishment has been executed may enter an order terminating parental rights of the parent of a child if such parent has executed a permanent relinquishment for adoption pursuant to the Oklahoma Adoption Code. may enter an order terminating parental rights of the parent of a child if such parent has executed a permanent relinquishment for adoption pursuant to the either provision of the Oklahoma Adoption Code.
2. Any order terminating parental rights of a parent pursuant to this subsection shall state that the termination of parental rights shall not terminate the duty of the parent to support the child of such parent. The duty of the parent to support the child shall not be terminated until such time as a final decree of adoption has been entered.
3. Any proceedings held pursuant to this section shall not require the state as a necessary party.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Birth Mother's Thoughts

We are trying to think of way to not only encourage other families to adopt, but also give a positive voice to adoption. In this post we are trying to improve this journey for everyone involved by opening our eyes to what birth parents go through who choose to place there child for adoption.

We wanted to give a birth mother an opportunity to give us insight as to what they feel and experience during the process. Below is a snipit of Abbie's story.

"Adoption has so, so much potential. In my case, I grew up in an extremely abusive household. I've been beaten, battered, physically, emotionally and mentally tortured, my entire life from people who were "family". I have racist, prejudiced "family" who no matter where I've been or what I've done, they have bent over backwards to have a controlling interest and damming attitude, as no matter how great or how amazing, it was horrible and had to go. To find myself engaged, I was thrilled. To find myself pregnant with twins, I was horrified.

So was my fiancee. He ran.

When your not an abortion advocate, (i am pro-life but respect folks choices in life to leave it at that) You have to think the options are adoption or keeping the baby. My girls deserved better. My girls did not deserve to grow up where I had, even though I could provide for them. No, adoption seemed like such a great choice. Especially open adoption. So I walked in the door. Little did I know, my adoption, although not even started yet, was already horribly messy.

At 4.5 months I was completely turned away altogether by the only agency in my small town.
Because I hadnt given birth before.......I was turned away and told to come back at 6 months along, when I've accepted the idea that i'm really pregnant. I was measuring 34 weeks for a singleton with twins at the time.

At 6.5 months along, I wasn't allowed to look at certain profiles, because of the possibility of pre-term labor, which my agency defined as a "special need" Their reasoning? If I selected a multiple accepting family, but not a multiple accepting with special need family, I could severely detriment their mental state, and possibly inhibit their chance of a successful adoption because they were working with me at the time. Never was it mentioned that I could have to choose another family because the family I selected wasn't able to handle preemies, just what their concerns for the adoptive families were.......

This left me with 2 choices for in-state (the less horrifying of the court dates choice)
One was a family whose religion was LDS. I don't know enough about the religion nor could I find out enough information to see what their beliefs were, which scared me even more.

If you walk into my agency right now and you are 8 weeks pregnant but you have given birth before, whether you placed or not, my agency will bend over backwards for you. They will leave you alone in the confrence room with every profile in the building while they work on housing, and assistance for you. If you are white, it happens much much faster. If you have placed a child before, they will get you lunch and go pack you up out of whatever situation you were in to help you better yourself. You, have known and accepted the reality of pregnancy and giving birth.

However, if you've never given birth before, you may not walk in the building until you are 6.5 months along.

If you are carrying multiples you may only see profiles of special needs and multiple accepting families, unless there is a racial consideration, thereby limiting your profile choices to next to nil. You cannot contact a birthfamily nor will they be contacted on your behalf until you have come to 6 counseling sessions (to see if your serious about considering placement). So that narrows it down for most moms, looking at profiles at 7 months along. Depending on family interest, and some other factors, it may take a few weeks to get together to see if its a great match. IF, the match seems good at 7.5 months then you are a lucky one who gets about 2 months before birth to really get to know your chosen family.

But what about the ones who don't? What about friends like mine who chose their family 2 days before the birth for an "open adoption". They are giving their babies basically to strangers! In an effort to promote open adoptions nationwide, Im (gulp) suggesting a revolution.

Lets encourage adoptive families and most agencies to completely change their ways of thinking. This isn't clinical. It shouldn't be treated as a whose better situation. Adoption is an extremely hard but severely love driven choice, that isn't to be taken lightly, nor made quickly. A rushed decision doesn't lead to the best for any child, or any adoptive family either. Think about how much the adoptive family is missing without really knowing the woman who gave birth to their child. Remove the visiting and sharing pics, etc. for a minute. If you are adopting, think of what would happen if you go into a hospital and pick up a baby that they say is yours and you just walk away. Yes, you would have a baby. But that is all you would have. You dont know if everyone on both sides of his genetic heritage had environmentally induced
asthma from birth and they were on this or that medicine to survive. You dont know that when he is 4 and decides that peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches are the best things ever, that you dont need to throw up, he gets that from his birthmother.

Adoptive parents, just picture this. What would happen, if you KNEW who was giving birth to your child. What if whatever experience or events led you to choosing adoption, could be vicariously lived through one incredible woman who not only wants to share this with you, but has decided the best option for her child was to entrust you with his or her care? What if ( this is an example done by a friend) you, and she both kept a journal. You could be writing all sorts of things about what you do, your likes and dislikes, your plans for the future with your children, your feelings during this time, and then while she was reading that, and knowing that you were so breathlessly waiting for the chance to offer her child everything you had, she was filling you in on the details. Who has what diseases. That she recommends the baby get allergy tests at birth because both her and her brother spent time in the NICU with severe breathing problems before someone realized they were environmentally asthmatic, allergic to pollen and grass, and she would like the baby to not have to go through that, as well as you have the knowledge on whats ahead, to help you be better parents to this precious child. What if you decided to meet Tuesdays and Thursdays to talk about where life is taking you, what you both desire as far as communication after the birth. Do you want to be super close? If so, what does she want? The more time you have to talk about this before the birth, the better, more keepable plan you can have. This benefits all by making sure the plan is clear and concise to the best of your abilities. Doing so makes birthing a baby intended for adoption that much easier. That less of a stress on your birthmother. This just gives you that much more of an amazing chance, at an amazing relationship, with tons of love and support surrounding your adoption .

This is why im advocating that any birth mother should be able to talk with anyone at an adoption agency at any time. Im also advocating that adoptive families should open their eyes to the amazing possibilities of this experience. I believe, if you are brave enough, to accept talking to someone who may be interested in placing with you, from a very early start in the pregnancy, you will receive a reward, one day, when your child comes to you and thanks you, for being brave, keeping the lines of communication open, and completely understands the choice of placing him or her for adoption, and knows that all the people involved, put it all on the line, out of love, for them. "

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Orphans Deserve Better

I know this post is late, but I know that people still don't know about this movie. So, I am going to post it here too!

There is a movie that was released last week that is called Orphan. It is about a 9 year-old girl that is adopted into a family. After the transition into her new family she begins to terrorize everyone she knows, including her new family. The preview alone is enough to make anyone that has considered adoption, but is "riding the fence" run in the other direction. I realize that people that are considering adoption won't actually go see this movie, because it is a horror film. What gets me is that trailer and preview. So many people have seen it.

Someone asked me last week why it was so upsetting since it was fictional and a horror film and not reality. This is why...most people that talk to me about adoption and fostering have fears about how the transition will go. Usually the conversation moves to the age of the children they would be open to and a fear of what trauma they might have experienced. Then it moves to the thought that we don't want to expose our children to something harmful. This is why Orphan is so upsetting. It is focusing on something that actually could happen, but is not common. It is stereotyping children that need a family as one that is to be afraid of. It pushes all of us to fear and not to seeking what Christ is asking us to do in caring for the fatherless.
Please help us by signing this petition and asking Warner Bros. to donate some of their profits from the movie to help orphans around the world.
A local news station called our agency last week and said they were doing a story to counter the release of this movie. They interviewed the director of the agency and our family. Please let me preface this by telling you that this was done last minute and evidently I didn't have time to remove the gum from my mouth! So embarrassing! Anyway, at least they gave the adoption community an opportunity to speak up about this film! Just wish I could have been a better spokesperson...SORRY! I am linking the story below because I can't figure out how to link it to this post!

News Story on Orphan

KOKH FOX 25 :: Top Stories

Shared via AddThis

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Adoption Task Force

Whoa! I am so excited about this group and what they are doing!

On Friday, the committee had their monthly meeting and I sat in on it. I wasn't really invited, but was told it was open so I went to see what they do. It was so cool!

This is a group of people who are working together to improve adoption in the state of Oklahoma. They are not just working on domestic adoption, but international and DHS adoption as well! The two men leading the meeting were Representative Jason Nelson and Senator Steve Russell. I am not sure how this committee was put together, but they did a wonderful job opening the doors to so many different people in different areas to create a wonderful balance. There were 3 judges, several different agencies represented, the Oklahoma Adoption Coalition, a public defender and that's just what I could see from the name tags I could read!

I was so proud of myself for keeping quiet and just listening. Blake will be the first to tell you that I am not a good listener, so this took a lot of work for me to just sit there and take it all in. In all honesty though, I was just shocked at all they are wanting to do with this committee! It makes me so proud of our state that we have this group of people working to better adoption for everyone involved. The group broke out into subcommittees to look at different areas to be addressed: courts, adoption related expenses, and children's rights.

So I just had to let you know what we are doing to continue to support changes in law and find resources to encourage those that are thinking about adoption. If you haven't yet contacted these two politicians about our desires to amend current laws in OK with Cooper's Law please take the chance to do so today. If you click on their names above it is linked to their contact information. I am hoping that with my presence at these meetings I could draw more attention to this amendment. Please also pray for everything that we are following what God is calling us to do in Oklahoma to care for His children and families.

If you would like to know more about Cooper's Law, go here or email us ( and we'll send you the full text amendment. Some of you asked about a form letter so that you could have friends easily send out an email, but after researching it we decided that they are not very effective. My email was not lengthy but let them know why I supported Cooper's Law and how much I appreciate their attention and concern for adoption in Oklahoma. Thanks again for your constant support!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Private Adoption - Option Number 3

So there really is a third option. You can privately adopt a child, without going through an agency and without going through DHS (to some extent). Here is how it works. Find someone willing to place their child up for adoption. That is the trick! Seriously - I know it sounds weird, and I am sure to you sounds a little ridiculous! But it has happened to me TWICE. We told people that we were considering adopting a child. And TWO times we were contacted by families about adopting their children. If you have read my story - you remember that my husband and I were going to adopt a little girl from Texas. Literally - a lady from our church had an old friend from highschool, who had a thirteen year old daughter who was pregnant! And that was it! Obviously you still have to do a homestudy and background check (DHS) but you can literally pay for an attorney for the birthparents (if they request one) and then hire your own attorney to finalize the adoption. You don't HAVE to use an adoption agency and you don't HAVE to go through DHS foster care or waiting child.

However, and this is a big HOWEVER. Be very careful of whom you hire. Many attorney's will be willing to do your adoption. But you want to be careful that you know the right questions to ask. You understand the billing arrangements. You know what you will be paying for. You have a good working relationship with an attorney you trust. In my book - ask someone you know who has adopted and ask for their attorney. Chances are - you will have a similar experience . (A post coming soon on how to pick an attorney and questions to ask!)
Obviously - our practice The Patterson Law Firm does these types of adoptions. We have clients who have "found" children (for lack of a better word) and we have assisted them in terminating the parents rights and in adopting their children. There are draw backs to private adoptions. We do not provide services for the birthparents, we do not provide follow up with you or counseling for your family. We simply do the legal work. For some - this is the best option, as they avoid the expense of an agency. And I assure you that if you are strapped for cash - this is likely the only option.
To each their own. Not everything works for everyone! So read all three options and choose the best option for your family!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Truly inspiring!

***This entire post has been hijacked from Heather's blog***

SBC Messengers Enthusiastically Support Moore's Resolution on Adoption

Jeff Robinson June 26, 2009

Messengers at the 2009 annual meeting of The Southern Baptist Convention in Louisville on Wednesday overwhelmingly passed a resolution proposed by Russell D. Moore promoting adoption and orphan care.

The resolution encouraged every Southern Baptist family to pray about whether God wants them to adopt or provide foster care for a child or children. It also called on Southern Baptist and other evangelical churches to devote a Sunday each year to emphasize "our adoption in Christ and our common burden for the orphans of the world."

Moore, who serves as senior vice president for academic administration and dean of the School of Theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, knows well of which he proposed; Moore and his wife Maria adopted two of their sons from a Russian orphanage a few years ago.
Moore hopes the resolution will provoke deep thinking that leads to action among Southern Baptists regarding the Gospel significance of adoption and orphan care; all who are saved by God’s grace were once orphans who were adopted into the Kingdom of Christ.

The number of adoptions among evangelicals has steadily increased in recent years, yet the need is profound: in the United States alone, more than 500,000 children were in foster care system in 2005, the last year for which federal statistics were available. About 115,000 were waiting for adoption.

“Something is a foot among Christian families and churches of virtually every kind,” Moore said.

“God is calling the people of Christ to see the face of Jesus in the faces of orphans in North America and around the world. Southern Baptists have affirmed our belief in the authority of Scripture, and the Bible tells us pure religion is defined by care for the fatherless.

“We’ve been defined by our commitment to evangelism, and there is no greater field is 'white unto harvest’ right now as children in orphanages, group homes, and the foster care system, children who don’t know a parent’s love and who don’t know the name of Jesus. When Satan wars against children, we should be the ones who have compassion on them, even as Jesus did and does.

Moore authored a deeply personal and compellingly theological book on adoption that was published in May by Crossway books, “Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families &Churches.” In it, Moore argues that the church should view the adoption of orphans as a crucial part of its mission precisely because God has adopted helpless sinners to be His sons.

“The resolution by itself isn’t going to spark an orphan care movement among Southern Baptists,” he said.“Neither is my book, and neither are a thousand manifestoes. Only the Holy Spirit can do that as local churches start to embrace a vision for orphan care.

“The resolution though was meant to prompt some questions. If one messenger in the Convention hall is moved to simply pray, ‘Lord, how would you have me minister to orphans?’ then the resolution is a success, in my view. If one pastor is prompted to ponder how he could preach on adoption, or lead a foster care ministry among his folks, then the work is starting.

During the introduction of the resolution, Moore appeared on stage with Timothy and Benjamin, the sons he and his wife adopted seven years ago. More than 8,000 messengers met the resolution and its unanimous passage with lengthy, enthusiastic applause.

“I was overwhelmed with emotion on the platform to see my sons, two little ex-orphans, looking out on a sea of yellow ballots as thousands of Southern Baptists affirmed that we want to be the people who love fatherless children,” he said.

“I realized that, in an alternative story, my boys would still be in an orphanage, not knowing even the name of Christ Jesus. But here they are, at the Southern Baptist Convention, calling by their very presence the world’s largest Protestant denomination to recognize there are hundreds of thousands of children as helpless and alone as they once were.

“My prayer is that twenty years from now there are thousands of Southern Baptist pastors, missionaries, and church leaders who started their lives as orphans, now preaching the gospel of God their Father.”

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

We are the Body

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

**This is one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs**

I had to share something that you wouldn't see if I didn't take pictures of it.

I wanted to thank you all for praying for and providing for these children that are without a family.

I had to share how you are being the body of Christ by loving on the littlest of His children.

Each child got at least 10 outfits, a bible, a DVD, toys, backpack, laundry basket, blankets, flip flops, books, and a wrapped present. That's just what I can remember!

The other great news is that 5 families have contacted me in the interest of adopting them. Does that give you chills?

What makes me even more excited is that it means that 5 couples have opened their hearts to adoption and that just thrills me to pieces. Our 10,000 kids in OK foster care might be dwindling as we strive to become more active as the body of Christ.

Thank you for the prayers. Please continue to keep these children in your heart as I am sure they still have a long road in front of them. Thank you to the families who gave so generously to these children!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

What Are YOU doing?

This is not a post to call you out. But of course, we feel called to do something for orphans in Oklahoma. Not everyone is called to adopt, so today - you get the perspective of someone who is NOT going to adopt a child.....EVER. So - did that get your attention? I hope it did. Offended? Don't be.

You see I thought I was going to adopt. I thought I would adopt my firstborn. Her name was (IS) Grace. We were picked by her birthmom and we were scheduled to meet "R" (our birthmom) on July 25th, 2006 - that date is forever etched in my memory. But on July 6th, I found out I was pregnant. Many of you think I would have been elated - I was devastated. I had bonded to what I thought was going to be my baby.....but it wasn't to be. So I did actually have a baby, in February of 2007. But in my mind, the pregnancy was a miracle and there wasn't any way I would get pregnant again. So after my daughter was about ten months old, my husband and I started to look at an adoption agency again, and fill out the paperwork. Yep - I filled out paperwork to adopt my second child.....but in February of 2008 - I found out I was pregnant AGAIN. My husband and I only want two children, at one point, I thought I wanted three - but with two, I realize this is what our family is going to be.

So is that the end of my adoption story? No....I might not be an "adoptive mom", but we are all called to do something. So I took a good look at myself to see what I can do for the "adoption community". For starters - I am a lawyer. Ha! Not always highly looked upon - even in the adoption community. BUT - that is something that I can use to help the community. So - with my sister, I am working on changing legislation. But that is a SLOW process, so in the mean time, what else can I do? So - I do adoptions....for free. Not for everyone - don't all start calling. But for family, close friends, and some from our church family. I am currently working on two. My husband and I have decided that since we feel so strongly about adoption, that since we won't be adopting, we would like to "fund" someone else to adopt a child. Of course - with me not working full time or working for free, we won't be doing that any time soon, but we have a goal to pay for an adoption.
This is Molly adding this picture. This is of Becki, Blake and I, Cooper and Sadie on Sadie's Gotcha Day when we were in court. Such a wonderful gift for our finalization to be free!

Why in the world am I telling you this? (I am sure you are like - what is this? Does this lady just want a pat on the back?) No - although I like my back pats! I want you to open your mind up and see what YOU can do to help the adoptive community? To help orphans? What are your gifts, strengths? Want some ideas?

1. Take clothes by the local "children's shelter" in your area.

2. Take a handful of movie tickets for the teens at the local shelter.

3. Take by pizzas for a pizza dinner for the shelter.

4. Buy "white water" or "big splash" tickets for the kids at the shelter and drop them off.

5. Host a picnic, cook out, ice cream party for the shelter.

6. Become a foster parent. (OK that one is big - thought I would sneak it in there!)

7. Get involved in POA - write a PSA for us to play on local radio stations.

8. Go to meetings at the Capitol in OKC for the Adoption Task Force.

9. Go to your local adoption agency and make a donation.

10. Volunteer as a Child Advocate for CASA.

Many of you donated money for the birth mother retreat for Mother's Day. These were the baskets that were given to each birth mom who attended. They were beyond blessed. To see more go here to see the story.

The point is, at the end of the day....what are you doing with your time? Will it make a lasting impact on someone's life?

I want to end this with a personal story. I don't mention this a lot, but I am a prosecutor. For years, my sole job was to prosecute parents and terminate their parental rights to their children, for reasons of physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, deprivation, lack of medical care, etc. It was/is a rewarding job. The last child I removed from her home, was a sweet baby girl. I had removed her two biological sisters years earlier. Her birthmom still had not corrected her "problem", so this tiny one was removed. She was placed with her sisters. After serving her parents, neither showed for Court - they knew where this was headed. I obviously had a good working relationship with the "foster parents" who choose to adopt this little girl (and her sisters). One day, as I was sitting in my office, the adoptive mom called me, she asked if I had time to talk. Of course - for her I did. She gently started telling me of the adoption pending, how they wanted me to attend and that they had chosen a name for the baby. She would be called....Becki. Is there a better reward than that?

My something....anything, this week, and please e-mail us, send a pic, even just post a comment....Let us know how you can help.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Thank you Dierdre for giving me heads up!

The Adoption Task Force meeting for Friday, June 19th has been cancelled.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

3rd Friday

It's the 3rd Friday, not the 3rd Thursday, on which the Adoption Task Force meets. Same place as mentioned before. I changed it on the post, but wanted to make sure if anyone was planning on trying to attend that you would be EARLY if you came on Thursday!

So, please join me if you can. The 3rd Friday of every month from 1-3pm at the state capitol room 412 C.

Also, thanks to all of you that have emailed me about helping out with the kids. I am so excited and I know that this will bless them more than we will ever know. Please pray that they feel the love of Christ through all of this. Also, please keep praying for their forever family to find them and start the process of adopting them!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Caring for the fatherless

First, I want to thank you for all of you that have been following us and praying for the children that I mentioned a couple of posts back.

Sadly, I have not heard from anyone willing to open their home to these kids. Please continue to pray that God speaks clearly to the family He has already chosen for this sibling group.

I mentioned in the last post about Adopt(ed) and I have enjoyed reading through some of their posts. One thing that Charissa mentioned that I thought was such a wonderful point for domestic adoption was this...

"Just because we do not have orphanages in the United States does not mean we don't have orphans."

So many times we think that our system is better than so many other countries because we don't have orphanages. As Christians, we need to care for these children.

So, here is what I am asking. The teacher (Michelle) that brought this sibling group to my attention has given me more information. The children are girl (5), boy (7) and girl (9). They were taken from their foster home and put into a safe home and they lost everything they called their own. They don't have any of their clothes, none of their toys...nothing to call their own or remind them of what they once called home.

Michelle is wanting to know if anyone would be willing to help remind them of God's love and plan for their life. She is wanting to put together some goodies for them just to make them smile and remind them they are loved.

I would love to collect things if you want to help out. The youngest girl wears a 4T and loves to dress up and also play pirate. So cute! The boy wears a 6-7 and loves anything Spiderman and Batman. The oldest girl loves to draw and be creative and wears a size 7-8. I will take anything and even will take money and I will buy the items if that's easier for you.

I feel like this is the least that we can do to love on these children in such a difficult time for them. They are old enough to understand so much of what's going on and they feel the stress and anxiety of being moved out of their foster home.

My PO Box is 5692 Edmond OK 73083 (Molly Shockley). Please only send money through the PO box as it is a small box. If you are going to collect items, please comment and we can find a way that I can come and get them. Michelle (the oldest girl's teacher) is wanting to give them the goodies in about a week!

Thanks for helping in any way that you can!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I recently found a blog that shares our passion for adoption and asked if I could share this post. Please read as this is very powerful. I am proud to say that these mama's are from Oklahoma too!

Here it is:

"Recently I was made aware of a situation where two siblings locally were removed from their home for child abuse. A group of over 3,000 people were presented with this situation and asked whether anyone in the room could take these children in. I was thankful to find out a couple stepped forward........ but saddened and a little perplexed to find out that only one couple, out of a group of over 3,000 christian people.....stepped forward.

I wish I could remember where I read this so I could quote it accurately as well as give them proper credit, but somewhere recently I read a statement that said something like this: "In a city where there are Christians, there should be no unwanted children."


Which makes me wonder why this is so. WHY, if there are 450,000 churches in the U.S.A., WHY are there 129,000 children in the U.S. waiting for families?

My pastor, Alex Himaya, did a sermon series explaining WHY God has such a heart for adoption. I encourage every believer to hear it (Click here to hear). Out of that sermon came an orphan ministry that John and I are so thankful to be a part of. I am working on a new blog, where I hope to share stories related to orphans and vulnerable children, connect adoptive families, highlight events, share some of the outreaches of our church adoption ministry, etc. I do hope you'll come visit it, set your google reader, and be a part of the Adopt(Ed) ministry at The Church at Battle Creek.

Friday, June 5, 2009

God is at work...

I don't even know where to start this post, but by saying that possibly this is why God wanted us to start an OK adoption blog.

That gives me chills to even think about.

I am hoping that each of you will pray over this situation and seriously consider if God is calling you to something here.

I got an email from a pastor at our church about siblings that are needing a family. Evidently, one of the siblings is in class with a teacher from my church. The teacher heard that they were put into a safe home and taken out of their foster home and were most likely going to be split up because they have no homes open to 3 siblings.

So, this is where we need some serious prayer over these 3, ages 5, 7, and 9. The 9 year old is a girl.

I asked if it was okay that we post about these 3 just praying that someone would know someone wanting to adopt. This pastor is going to try and get more information on the kids so please email me or comment if you are interested or know someone who is. I don't want to post a lot about them just to protect them, but will share as we know more to those open to adoption.

Here is my email:

The best thing you can do at this point is join me in praying for these children that only have each other and are scared to death they are going to lose just that.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Okay, I am sure many are wondering where we are with our proposal.

What progress is being made with our current priority of Cooper's Law?

We are still trying to gain attention to this amendment. That's where we are...this takes a while.

I hadn't heard back about the adoption task force that we mentioned a while back, so I contacted two of those on the committee and heard back from Representative Jason Nelson.

I really just asked about how we could follow their progress and what their current focus was on.

And I thought his response was both exciting and would help us to be visible and present.

The committee meets the third Friday of every month from 1 to 3 PM in room 412C of the Capitol. This is an open meeting at this point! I am so excited about this and I am hoping this means that we could have some visibility for the committee.

So, I am going to do everything that I can to get childcare during this time. I am hoping there might be others in the area that could occasionally be present for this committee meeting. We just need to know what things they are talking about and we need to be there if they have questions about what we are proposing with our law!

Such exciting stuff! Please let me know if you are willing to help me out even if just once to be present at one of these meetings!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

New here?

Hey if you are new to the blog and just stopping by to check us out click HERE to read about what our purpose is with this blog!

Glad you came by and hope you can follow us a while!

~Becki and Molly

Saturday, May 16, 2009

May is Foster Care Month

I keep hearing this statistic on the radio and I can't shake it.

There are over 10,000 children in foster care in Oklahoma alone.

I can't seem to get that thought out of my head that these are the "orphans" that God meant for us to look after.

Please pray for these children that they may find their forever family and will no longer have to question God's purpose for their life.

(Remember to turn off the music on the blog to hear the sound on the video)

Although they didn't mention the two adoptions we love to talk about, Jesus and Moses, I think it's a wonderful video to make us all think!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I had no idea...

I had no idea that this incredible federal adoption tax credit was only temporary until Holden's mommy pointed it out to me!

That's right, it is to expire in December 2010!
We need your help in getting the word out that this tax credit needs to stay!
I realize most of you know of the cost of adoption. In domestic adoption it varies depending on the agency or attorney you are using, but typically it's at least $15,000. I am not saying it should be cheaper, in fact, I wish we could actually pay our agency more. They have an incredible ministry in adoption and pregnancy services. But, I am saying that the deduction is a great way to promote adoption. It's truly the only reason we have been able to adopt back to back like we have.
I am scared to think that if this goes away, we could not afford to adopt again.
Becki pointed out something else. If you are not really fond of tax credits look at it this way, you are either funding these children through DHS because they are not being adopted domestically because no one can afford it, or your tax dollars are used to help fund adoptions. And it's actually cheaper to fund the credit than DHS. She's such a smart thinker!
So here's how you can help...

Check out the bill that is in the beginning stages!

post this button to your blog:

Thanks for your support, yet again!

And in case you are wondering where we've been...
We finalized on Sadie's adoption on Tuesday and were focused on getting our stuff together for court!

Monday, May 4, 2009

This week....

This week - well if you have been blessed with children - this week is a fantastic week for you. You wake up every morning anticipating Sunday morning. When you will dawn your Sunday best, stroll into church with your children in their besties! You will stand when they ask the mother's to stand, and all the children will bring flowers, or sing a song for the mommies....But....

This week, someone is dreading this Sunday. They are dreading another year with no children. They are dreading heading to church, and are considering missing just this one sunday. This week, a birthmom is considering skipping church, because the thought of empty arms and no baby is just too much for her to stomach this year. But these people will probably go to church, hang their head when the moment comes and swallow back the tears that are all too familiar.

If this is you....know our prayers are with you. We have felt the pain of not being mothers or having empty arms. All three of us have been in that pew at one point in our lives. I know we are not there now, but we are familiar with the pain.

Today - we are asking for your thoughts....for healing for these women - the barren, the birth mom, the childless, those simply seeking adoption....e-mail us so we can post your thoughts to them. Or post them as a comment and we will repost them for mother's day....

And here's a little something for all of us as we have been in this place in our lives.


By Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."


Just a quick update - and another blog coming super soon...but check Facebook....1000!!!!! That isn't bad peeps!!! In less than a week, we picked up around 300 new members!!! Way to go...keep it up. I will resist the temptation to push 1500...that is for another day!

Friday, May 1, 2009


We (the mommas) have a lot of dreams for POA. The legislation we have proposed is not the SOLE purpose of POA. The purpose of organizing POA is to do exactly that - Promote Oklahoma Adoption - by any and every means possible. So what does this mean? Well - here are some of our dreams....

1. Change laws to make adoptions easier on adoptive families and birth mothers.
2. Give a voice to adoptive families and birth families.
3. Raise money to assist those in adoption that could not afford to do so otherwise.
4. Help find services for birthmothers who have lost their way.
5. Have a venue/outlet for adoption issues - so that others might share their wisdom.

Those are just a few. If you are interested in "writing" a blog, being on our "adoption blog" list, posting your family and your story asking for prayers for your adoption journey and process - we don't care - just send us an e-mail and we will review your information and get back with you. We would love nothing more than to hear what you NEED, and what your dreams are for your family. Just reach out and let us know how we can help you.

Email is


Props to those who joined the facebook cause. We ALMOST met the mark 921 at the last count! Way to go - don't give up!!! Lets get to 1000! (but then you know we will be bugging you to get to 1500)....

Monday, April 27, 2009 Thursday

There are probably a thousand things we could change about the adoption laws....seriously...from taxes, to relinquishments, children's rights, etc. But we will go one by one. Our goal is to Promote Oklahoma Adoptions. We will not just stop after the law is changed, we will probably have a new task. Ok - we WILL have a new task. So with that said, we have a TON of exciting news here are a few highlights.

1. Radio Show - 93.3 KKNG is going to be hosting US to talk about Promote Oklahoma Adoption and our law changes!!!! HOLY cow! So - we will be giving you a heads up - so that you can hear what we have to say.

2. Fox 25 News - We will hopefully have some exciting news this week about Fox 25 - in OKC!!!

3. Rep. Fred Jordan has requested a copy of "Coopers Law"....wanna drop him a line and let him know you support it???
Member's Photo

Capitol Address:
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd.
Oklahoma City, OK 73105
(405) 557-7331

Tell Fred you would like to see him become involved.

4. And here is where we are getting the real 1000....On facebook, we have almost 800 right now...get on facebook and invite the max of 60 people...right now, drop all you are doing...and lets hit 1000.....

Have a great week....but the goal....Thousand by Thursday - hit it peeps!!!!!

Friday, April 24, 2009


sum⋅ma⋅tion [suh-mey-shuhn] :
a review or recapitulation of previously stated facts or statements, often with a final conclusion or conclusions drawn from them.

Apparently I had to take another look at that definition. Ever since we started this blog, we have had TONS of attention...traffic...publicity...and conversations. But what HAS become clear is that we have not clearly defined what the law we propose is trying to this is a "summation". If you would like to read it yourself, please e-mail us and we will e-mail you "Coopers Law". Please beware, it is not a summation, it is total legal jargon and SIX pages long. But if you want it, by all means you got it. So here goes....

In Oklahoma, if you are a birthMOTHER you must go to court to relinquish your rights. You must stand in front of a judge and be questioned about your decision, your sexual relationship that led to this birth, the father, your relationship with him, wether or not you are making the right decision, etc. If you think this is exaggerating, I assure you, I am a lawyer, I have done relinquishments, and this DOES happen, every single time. It is necessary information, but humiliating none the less. However a birthFATHER can fill out a form and relinquish his rights, without going to court. SO - what we are proposing is only ADDING the option, that IF a birthmother wants to relinquish her rights and she CHOOSES to do it 48 hours after the birth of the child. She may do so, without going to court. If she would like to go to court, she may. It is HER CHOICE. It changes NOTHING about the way the law exists only gives MORE options.

Another concern one gentlemen had is why only DHS and adoption agencies can do this. The short answer, they are licensed by the State as a child placing agencies. Attorneys, in general, are not licensed as child placing agencies. If they become licensed, then they would have the same ability. No harm - no foul.