Choosing a Lawyer....

Okay - when we went to the Adoption Task Force Meeting a couple weeks ago, one thing became entirely clear. Some attorneys take advantage of clients. From overcharging, to charging the client to LEARN what the law is, to coercing birth mothers to place a child from adoption etc. It was heartbreaking to hear of story after story where these things had happened. So here are some tips on finding a lawyer.



Where to start:

1. Ask other friends who have adopted who they have used and if they were satisfied.

2. Ask your agency who they recommend.

3. Call the local Bar Association and see who they recommend for Adoptions.

4. Interview multiple attorneys.



What to ask:

1. Will you have an employment contract? An ethical attorney will have a contract that lays out what you have hired them for, what the rate is, how you will be billed, what the retainer is, how you will be charged, etc.

2. How much do they anticipate it will cost? Some lawyers will agree to a flat rate, and some lawyers will want to be paid hourly. Both have their benefits. A flat rate, MIGHT cost you more, but you will know from day one what your costs will be. Hourly MIGHT be cheaper if the adoption moves smoothly. But if not, it would end up costing you. Never be afraid to ask for a discount or a lesser charge.

3. What types of payment do they take? cash, check, credit card or payment plan?

3. How many adoptions have they done? Where have they done them (what counties)?

4. Three references. Most attorneys WILL provide references. I know that sounds weird. But attorney's can give you client comments or references.



When to decide:

1. You want to have your attorney lined up quickly. You don't want wait until the child is born, especially if you have to hire an attorney to preform ALL parts of an adoption (relinquishment of rights and finalization) as opposed to just the finalization. Therefore, the attorney ideally will meet with the birth mother prior to the child's birth. In addition, any bargaining can be done PRIOR to the birth. Once the baby is born, there is NO time to shop.

2. You want to decide quickly because most GOOD attorneys will require a retainer. And depending on what you need done, it will be quite a bit of money. You will want to know up front.



Creative Ideas:

Adoption costs can be high. When it is time, if costs are tight, try calling a large law firm and see if someone can do an adoption pro bono. Ask lawyers for a payment plan. Call legal aid and see if they can help. But remember, you must do these things in advance, they take time. Molly said there might even be some grants to ease the financial burden. Also, MANY employers will help with adoption cost. Check with your workplace and your spouse's to see what needs to be done to apply for this.



Most of all...know your rights. Know that even if you are with an agency, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE YOUR ATTORNEY. Most agencies will recommend lawyers, but remember when it comes down to it. It is your choice. And because it is our choice, we have to make sure that we are protecting our family, our child and their birth family.

Prayers Please

I am not sure that I have shared on the POA blog that the Adoption Review Task Force has asked Mandy and I to come and speak TOMORROW!



That's right! We need your prayers Thursday, October 15th @ 1:30!



We are one of 3 families sharing concerns for Oklahoma adoption law.



What an honor to be able to discuss this with such a great group of professionals!



What an honor to be able to stand united with Mandy tomorrow.



Please pray for God to speak through us and for our hearts to have peace.



Thank you for all of your support! We'll be sure to update on how it goes!

Adoption/Foster Care Information!!!

I had to post about this because it's a wonderful event packed full of information.

Coming up next month there is a FREE symposium about adoption and foster care.

If you've ever been interested in either of these and need a place to get questions answered and meet professionals in this field... THIS IS THE EVENT!

Here is where you need to go!

I can't tell you how many times that people ask us questions because it's obvious we've adopted.

Then follows... "I've always wanted to adopt, BUT...

...I can't afford it."

...I don't know where to start."

...the information is overwhelming!"

So, if you've said that to me or if you've thought that please go to this event.

This group is committed to getting information into your hands and helping families make their dreams a reality!!!

Have a great day!

Cooper's Law- update

I got a call Friday afternoon at 2:30 from Representative Nelson's office asking if there were anyway I could meet with him @ 4 to discuss Cooper's Law!

I jumped at the opportunity and praised God for His timing! I had just come home from dropping the kids off at Blake's parents house for the night! I had the afternoon to myself and had no time to get anxious about this!!! (Well, okay I got anxious wondering why God was having me talk about laws? I am so not qualified.)

Thank you for all of you that prayed for me. Bad news first: I completely pitted out my shirt because I was so nervous! I tried to capture a picture of it because it was quite hilarious, but it just didn't do it justice. Good news: I didn't throw up and...

HE SUPPORTS COOPER'S LAW!!!!

Praise God for getting this into the right hands. We sat and discussed what some concerns might be and how we should handle that. We discussed why this needed to be changed and what other states already had laws very similar to this. It was such a wonderful meeting and he was so open to my concerns, and he felt this deep need to protect birth mothers. How great is that??? He gets it, from all angles.

He talked about how in trying to protect the adoption process, with this law how it currently stands, we've actually made it harder for birth mothers to place.

He wants to meet our precious Mandy and hear her heart on this law... How incredible is that?

Keep praying for this to move forward. As much as he supports it, he understands there will be opposition. He does not see this "moving to session" or moving this session??? (See I shouldn't be talking about this.) Essentially, this won't happen quickly because he felt like it was a big deal, but he said this law NEEDS TO CHANGE. It cannot stand how it currently does. Praise God!!!

Thank you all for all of your support! We really and truly are amazed at how this has happened. How in the world did we get blessed enough to get this into the man's hands that is currently looking to reform Oklahoma Adoption Laws??? Only by the grace of God. Please keep praying that this law only moves forward if it is right and protects everyone involved to the best of it's ability. Pray that just as they have, doors will open and shut according to God's will. As an incredible woman told me yesterday, God is the author of adoption and He cares about this.

Giveaway....

We have an awesome girl from my church, Raylea Whiteman, who is donating a "Piggies and Paws" to our cause. So we thought the best giveaway would be to a Birthmom. Nothing more beautiful than a permanent piece of art work with her baby's feet and hand prints. If you have ever seen these they are so stinking adorable. Take a little time to view the link above to see how cute these are!

Anywho - here is the give away. Leave a comment about your birthmom, and on September 8th, 2009 we will take all the comments put them in a hat and draw!

It's go time!

If you live in Oklahoma, or know someone that does...I need your help! I am begging you!

Most of you know that for months now we've been working to draw attention to some adoption laws that we believe need attention.

In this mission, I have found an incredible team of professionals that come together monthly to address such needs in the adoption community. I have attended the last two adoption task force meetings and I am continued to be amazed at what all these people are doing. It is such a privilege to just be able to hear what they are doing and watch it all happen right before my eyes. There are judges, DHS representatives, adoption agencies, a public defender and now a birth mother, an adoptive mother and an adult adoptee.

At this last meeting Representative Jason Nelson shared that he has received a lot of requests for issues to be addressed by the task force. I am hoping that some of these requests were about Cooper's Law, but I know that there are lots of adoptive families out there that feel the need to have their concerns addressed! Then he asked the task force if they would be okay asking some families to share with the group their story and why they needed the task force to consider their concerns!!! I was sitting in the back of the room and almost fell out of my chair. How cool would it be for Cooper's Law and Cooper's story to be shared with so many that feel just as passionate about this as I do???

So, I am begging you. If you haven't written Representative Jason Nelson or Senator Steve Russell yet, please do! If you have and you could do so again, PLEASE DO! From what I understand this task force has a lot of weight on what issues in adoption will actually be addressed or changed! If anyone will hear me out, it will be this group. If you do write him please make reference to Cooper's Law. If you know of a personal adoption story in which you think relinquishment in the hospital could have kept an adoption in place that ended up falling through, please share that in your letter or email. Remember that our intent with this change is to protect the child and the birth parent's choice. Our goal here is that birth mothers who want to sign papers in the hospital (or at their agency) can do so without having to sit before a judge.

You can share my name if you want, but you don't have to. I am going to write them again today (for the 4th time). Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have become "one of those people"! But, I will never forget those weeks as we were losing Cooper and feeling so helpless. There was nothing we could do to keep him. I think that feeling is fueling me. In the midst of that journey I felt like it was just a part of adoption and something that had to be risked, but now I know better. Many states are doing this differently and there is no reason why we should continue in something that is not working. And because of that, I feel like I have to at least try to do something. Another incredible thing is that Cooper's birthmom supports this 100% and only wishes this had been in place long ago.

These 3 were some of those that were taken the day we lost Cooper. We were saying good-bye to our sweet baby boy.

On another note, many of you have asked if I had heard if I had been chosen to be on the task force. I found out yesterday that I did not. I joked about not being qualified, and boy was I right! The mom they chose is a wonderful pick as she wrote the bill that in its approval put into affect the adoption task force...she deserves to be on it!

Let's get busy writing some letters/emails! If you click on the representative or senators names it is linked to their info. If you can only write one, please address Rep. Jason Nelson as he was the one addressing the task force with this idea! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

Transracial Parenting Workshop

I had to share this!

Our agency did a workshop in February and it was incredible. I blogged about it here and we had a wonderful discussion about race and issues that surface in transracial adoption.

So they are hosting another workshop and I am so excited. There will be a transracial adoptee/parent panel! What a wonderful resource for questions!

This is open to any couple that has adopted transracially. It does not matter if it was through another agency or anything. This is how our transracial playgroup got started!

Date: 9.12.09

Time: 9:30am -12:30pm

Location: DPAS offices, Brixton Square 7101 NW Expressway, Ste 325, OKC

Please RSVP to Catherine Howe and prepay by 9.7.09

Here is a link to their site or call 405.949.4200

It is $20 per couple. Brunch snacks provided and children under 6 months are welcome.

Hope to see you there!